unspoken connection

I spent the past Sunday at Kennywood Park with my two youngest children.  For the past several years, we have gone as a family. But, for a number of reasons, it was just Lily, Ben and I this year. 

I tend to be a people watcher in such situations, and I often leave with a few observations. Sometimes they are similar to observations I've already made... such as noticing how many tattoos appear [to me] to be "unfortunate". Were they really sober when they paid someone to permanently put that there?  And, wondering what some folks were thinking when they chose their footwear for a day at an amusement park.  I saw more than one female wearing heels... really?

A new observation this year is that almost everyone smiles when they are riding the bumper cars.  Perhaps the world would be a better place if we all drove bumper cars?

We definitely had our share of bumper car smiles... it was Benny's favorite attraction this trip. Independent operation of the bumper cars requires a height of 52" inches, which Lily achieved this year.  To operate them with the help of a responsible person required a height of 48", which Benny just barely achieved!  In fact, it was so just barely that the first few attempts were met with some hassle over whether or not he was 48".  So, we paid a visit to guest services, where he was measured, certified and stamped "48".  No more hassles... unlimited bumper car access!  Note his proudly displayed arm stamp (below) that he showed to more than one passerby!

"I'm 48!"

Tattoos and footwear aside, the kid moments are the ones I really love observing in contexts like this.  I love catching candid mental (and actual) snapshots of my kids that I want to remember for a long time.  I try hard not to play favorites when it comes to my kids, but there tend to be a lot of these moments with Benny. 

It's not so much about favorites.  It's more about being a different kind of parent to a child with developmental disabilities.  It requires more compassion, more interaction and more protection balanced with risk.  And, in Benny's case, the phases of childhood are extended, allowing more opportunities for those memorable moments.

Sunday was no exception.

A characteristic of IDIC 15 for Benny is struggling with social etiquette.  If he has something to say, he thinks nothing of talking to (and sometimes touching) the nearest random stranger.  As a parent, it is both scary and beautiful.  It is scary because we teach our kids not to talk to, much less touch, strangers.  Yet, it is beautiful because Ben sees people as people.  He doesn't care a whit about some of the things we judge folks by.  He talks to people with which I would not strike up a conversation because I deem them to be unlike me.  Hey, aren't we all more comfortable talking to folks similar to us?  Not really so with Ben.

Parentally, this is very difficult for me.  I need to teach my son about social etiquette and I need to protect him in these contexts.  Yet, I don't want to teach him to see ugly stereotypes like the majority of the world does.  Benny has a naivety that is such a dangerously beautiful part of his life.  I have been entrusted with the job of managing that gift.

So, my strategy is often to closely observe these interactions.  If the other person appears comfortable with it, I usually let it play out for a time I think is reasonable, then I redirect him away from the conversation.  If the person appears annoyed or rude, I obviously redirect him quickly.  I typically redirect inappropriate touching quickly. (By inappropriate, I mean the fact that he touches strangers, not touching in inappropriate places.)  But, on occasion, I have let even that play out a bit when it appears that the person is comfortable and possibly even attuned to the fact that Benny is a kid with special needs.

Such instances happened throughout our day.  But, one, in particular, inspired this post.

It was probably about our 25th ride on the bumper cars.  Benny and I selected a car and waited for the others to fill.  An empty car was to our left (Benny's side).  It was lined up with ours, touching ours and facing the same direction.  A young man (maybe early 20's), who appeared to have Down Syndrome, selected the car beside ours.

Because Benny attends our county school for developmental disabilities, he spends much of his life surrounded by children and adults with all manner of physical and intellectual disabilities.  One of his friends (who lives near us) has Down Syndrome.  Because of this, I suspect Benny is very comfortable with disabilities beyond what you or I may be.

What happened next, I watched as a silent observer.

As Benny looked to his left, he noticed the young man and locked gazes with him for what seemed like a socially inappropriate time.  In reality, it was probably only a few seconds, and it wasn't staring in a negative way, but processing the individual.  Then, still making eye contact with the young man, he reached his left hand out from our car toward his and held it extended.  With no words spoken, the young man reached for Benny's hand and briefly they held hands stretched between our cars.

I don't know if this young man was aware of Benny's disabilities. (Unlike Down Syndrome, IDIC 15 has virtually no physical markers.)  But, I suspect he may have.  It was a beautiful moment that appeared as though some unspoken connection occurred between the two of them. 

After a few moments, the young man ended the exchange with a gentle handshake and a "hey, buddy!"  The cars started and we zoomed off in opposite directions.  A number of times, though, he sought out our car and gave us a playful nudge, which both of them enjoyed.  It wasn't anything creepy, but more like two young men with disabilities sharing a connection that you or I may never understand.

Tolerance is a big buzzword in today's world.  Some are better at it than others.  Truthfully, I sometimes struggle with it.  I should, however, be a lot better at it... Benny's many interactions with random folks during a day at Kennywood seems to suggest that I'm living with a pretty good teacher!

Bennywood

In West Mifflin, Pennsylvania (a suburb of Pittsburgh), in an area you wouldn't expect to find it, sits a gem known as Kennywood Amusement Park.  Nestled under acres of mature shade trees, with its mix of bigger-badder-faster thrill rides and numerous traditional amusement rides, Kennywood is a classic family park where you can still tote your family-sized coolers of food and non-alcoholic drinks through the gates and leave them parked on a table in one of the park's many clean picnic areas... for the entire day.  It's a place where "company picnics" are still actual picnics, groups wear matching T-shirts to identify themselves, and the click-click-click and clack-clack-clack of wooden roller coasters abound.

I've lived within a reasonable drive of Kennywood my entire life, but had never visited the park until this past Sunday. 

How the trip came to be is a story in itself, but it's my blog, and I'd rather blow by most of those details.  Long story short, it was originally planned and sponsored by Jen's aunt as a group trip for 3 aunts, 2 nieces (my wife being one of the nieces), and the 7 children of the nieces (4 of the 7 being ours).  I have wanted to take my kids to an amusement park for the past few years, but had not, mostly because of my employment/financial situation over that time period.  I was not scheduled to work the day of the proposed trip, and I am comfortable hanging out with her aunts at family functions (most of the men of Jen's family are camo-wearin', deer-slayin', fish-filletin' types, and, while I consider myself an outdoorsman with nothing against those activities, I'm more of a backpack-haulin', trail-hikin', gorp*-likin' type).  So, I thought it natural to invite myself to tag along (at my own expense) to share this first-time experience with my kids.  I guess it wasn't so natural.  Well, actually, I guess I didn't handle myself too diplomatically (I write more diplomatically than I sometimes live).  I unintentionally created an awkward situation by messing with the dynamics of a tradition of ladies/childrens days out... Well, OK... I unintentionally made a butt of myself... but, I'm blowing by those details, remember?  The end result was that Jen's aunt graciously blessed us by sponsoring an opportunity for the six of us to spend a day to ourselves at Kennywood, allowing me to enjoy experiencing my kid's first trip to an amusement park.

*Gorp - Trail mix featuring "Good Ol' Raisins and Peanuts", or any variety thereof.

While Hurricane Irene was shredding our eastern coastline, she threw our area a slightly overcast, dry, upper-70's, low humidity Sunday... perfect for enjoying a road trip to Kennywood.  The gates opened at 10:15 and the rides started at 11:00.  We rolled out pretty early, Garmin programmed, ETA: 10:15.  For many reasons, we were unsure how the day would go with Benny... could be really good, could be really bad.  (If you're not sure why, visit here, then here.)  I didn't know it at the time, but about an hour into the drive, when I caught this rare view in the rear view, it was a foreshadowing of the good day Benny would have.

I poked Jen and whispered, "turn around".  She quickly grabbed the camera...

We were nearly to Kennywood when the Garmin directed us to exit near downtown Pittsburgh.  However, the exit was closed.  She (I haven't named her yet) did some quick "recalculating" and looped us through some neighborhood streets to bring us back to make another attempt at our closed exit.  Now, if you know anything about Pittsburgh, you'll know that it's all hills and rivers... 3 major rivers and everything is on a hillside.  At one point, she turned us left onto West Sycamore Street, a very narrow and very steep street.  In fact, it was so steep (the Google Maps photo link does not give justice to the actual steepness) that the boys had a moment of panic from the back of the van, thinking the van could not climb it... and then as we started up the hill, they asked if it were possible for the van to tip over backwards.  Jen, too, was a little concerned and felt the urge to lean forward to help balance the front and keep it on the ground.  We went several blocks up West Sycamore, at times squeezing through tightly parked cars on both sides of the street, over the top, then down the winding and steep other side.  We raised our hands in the air (well, all but me) on the way down.  I joked with the boys that they hadn't seen anything yet... if they couldn't handle West Sycamore Street (our first ride of the day), how were they going to handle actual roller coasters?

First things first, we staked out our picnic station for the day.  We then selected the Jack Rabbit as our first ride... well, if you don't count West Sycamore Street!  The line was just starting to form, and we would make the first run of the morning.  Lily only had a vague idea about amusement parks, and really didn't know what she was in for, but she happily stood in line to get the party started.  Dylan and Zachary had a better idea, but were still blissfully ignorant, as evidenced by their comment, "that's really no big deal", while we watched the park staff run the trains through a few empty test cycles.  The Jack Rabbit was a great classic wooden coaster, but I think I still have Lily's fingernail imprints in my left arm!  The boys admitted that it was a little more than they anticipated, and they felt like they were going to fly off the track.  Yeah, boys, I think that's part of the thrill!

Jack Rabbit line

Exiting the Jack Rabbit

Lily said the coaster scared her, but she kinda liked it.  Yep, me too, girl.  She wanted to do something without hills, so we got on the nearby Paratrooper.  She thought it looked mild enough, until it lifted and tilted at it's 45 degree angle, at which point she insisted I make them let her off the ride.  This time, fingernail imprints in the right arm!

Lily and Dad on the Paratrooper

Dylan and Zachary on the Paratrooper

Two rides into the day, and I think I traumatized my daughter.  So we calmed it down with some turns around the Merry-Go-Round, this being Benny's inaugural ride.  I think, by this time, I had lost Lily's trust, because she insisted I get her a fixed bench... unsure what to expect from those crazy horses going up and down.  Benny loved the Merry-Go-Round, yelling, "Go!" and "Horsey!"

Lily, liking the calmness of a bench

Ben's first ride

Camera hams

Grand Prix bumper cars were one of the favorite family attractions

Lunchtime!  (note to self:  open pop cans + late August = bee invasion!)

After lunch, we did a variety of groupings of all six together and mixes of separate adult/various kids throughout the day.  The size and layout of the park was such that we often bumped into each other if we were in two groups.  It was easy to communicate with our cell phones to rendezvous, regroup, or swap kids. 

Benny had no nap, but was fabulous.  We were concerned that he would make the day miserable.  With his sensory "issues" we feared the crowds, noises, and ride stimulus would fry him.  Just the opposite.  He soaked in every minute of it, and resisted falling asleep in the stroller, not wanting to miss a moment.  He had no fear of any of the rides he experienced, both Kiddieland and select ones in the main park.  In fact, he really surprised us all, coming alive on the rides and getting off when they stopped saying, "again, again!"

Ben and Lily loved Kiddieland

Zachary was at an age to enjoy the whole park, even some of Kiddieland

Benny loved the Kiddieland version of the Turtle

Daddy's can enjoy Kennywood's Kiddieland, too!

Kenny Kangaroo

Well, at least Kenny always strikes a great pose

Going for a little mid-afternoon boat ride

Splashdown!  first of two hills

Zachary and I on the Kangaroo

the Musik Express, another favorite

I had a bit of a hard time fitting my long legs into the Musik Express

the Bayern Kurve

Lily thought the idea was to ride everything "no-hands"!

lovin' every minute of it!

sharing Mama's slushy

Jen says they were showing patriotism

Benny had to show his slushy tongue

photo op by a cool nighttime fountain

As the evening was winding down, I was with Dylan, Lily, and Ben.  I decided to give Benny a shot at the Turtle, since the Kiddieland version was one of his favorites of the day.  He loved, loved, loved the full-sized version!  We rode it a few times (the line was really short), when Jen called to say we should meet up and think about heading home... since the kid's first day of school was the next day.

What does anyone really do on the first day of school anyway? 

I told her I wasn't ready to call it a day yet... I wanted to remember just a few more smiles on my kid's faces.  The Turtle cars held up to six... I told her she had to come and let us all ride together before we left... she had to see Benny lovin' the Turtle.  She was tired, but she agreed.

By this time, it was dark, and the Turtle line was nearly non-existent, except for a small handful of "Turtle groupies" that kept getting off and right back on nearly continuously.  Once Jen and Zachary met up with us, we joined the ranks of the Turtle groupies.  Benny laughed, smiled, and shouted, "Hooray!", "Go!", "Whoa!", "Hold on!", and "Oh my!"  Each time the ride stopped, Benny would look at me expectantly and say, "Again?"  OK, buddy, I don't want to forget this memory...

Benny at the head of the line... we're next... again!

9 PM and still running without a nap!

"Hold on!", he says (with green M&M smudges on his cheeks)

What a great way to end a great day (at one point Zachary was heard to say, "this is the BEST day of my life!")... me and five of my favorite people packed in the front Turtle car, with my favorite un-napped toddler (who we feared would make the day miserable), leading the charge at 9:15 PM!  "Go!  Go!  Go!"

Zachary, I'd have to agree... it was a really good day!  I hope I long remember the smiles and the laughter on the faces of my four kids, and the memories of this trip to... Bennywood?