last kindergarten send-off

The last of my four kids boarded the bus for kindergarten this morning. My schedule worked out so that I was there to see it. I have had a few tough moments throughout the day... I'm an emotional and sentimental Dad.

In a way, this is old hat. Ben is continuing his education at the county school, where he has attended preschool for the past three years. I was also there the very first day he rode the same bus, at age two. THAT was hard!

But this was hard in it's own way.

Benny was in a somber mood this morning. He looked tired, though we got him in bed early the night before. When he is tired and stressed, he often has trouble with eye focus, and I could tell he was struggling this morning. He seemed a mix of resigned and uncertain, with some excitement showing through.

We made our decision last spring to keep him in the county school. It is a great school, much like a large family, and we love his teacher this year. I have not second guessed that decision since we made it, and watching the bus pull away this morning, I still knew it was the right option for him.

Yet, at the same time, grief does not just come to a parent of a special needs child at the moment of diagnosis. It can sneak up many times throughout life, sometimes at unexpected moments. This morning, as Ben boarded the bus and pulled away from our home, I experienced a variety of emotions, and grief was among them. 

Let me clarify, though. I was not grieving because of him, but for him.

As parents, we want life to go smoothly for our kids. We want them to excel and become independent and successful. I wish that for all my kids. However, seeing the "MRDD" in the school name on the side of the bus as it pulled away for this new phase of Ben's life, reminded me anew that Benny will have many struggles that my other children will not. Starting kindergarten is a major event in the life of our kids, and this morning Ben's bus set the course of his life in a different direction (literally and figuratively) than that of my other three kids. Although it was the right direction for him, I still had the urge to run ahead of the bus and smooth and fix things for him. I can only do so much, though. But, I can and will love and support him, cheer him on, celebrate him and rejoice in his accomplishments... and there have been many accomplishments to get him to this day.

You go, Benny! I love you, kid! Happy first day... you're my favorite Benny in the whole world!

Home, after a good first day

aware or all wet?

This world of constant connectivity and social media has created the unique phenomenon of information "going viral". I'm old enough to remember having just a phone (with a rotary dial and a cord) or a postage stamp as the primary means of communicating information across long distances. Television news media occasionally grabbed onto a cause and spread it more rapidly and widely, but things didn't go viral.

 

The latest viral movement?  The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, of course.

 

Don't brand me a hater, but I do have some thoughts on participation... I likely won't.  Here are some thoughts... if you care.

 

According to the ALS Association website, the "challenge involves people getting doused with buckets of ice water on video, posting that video to social media, then nominating others to do the same, all in an effort to raise ALS awareness. People can either accept the challenge or make a donation to an ALS Charity of their choice, or do both."

 

Reports indicate that donations to the ALS Association are exponentially higher than they were for the similar calendar period of 2013, so it is brilliantly working for ALS Association fundraising.

 

Since "ALS" has been heard daily in conversations over the past weeks, the challenge is obviously raising awareness... or is it?  Hmmm... does throwing around a trendy acronym really represent awareness?

 

I think not.

 

I recently heard a radio personality taking call-ins about the Ice Bucket Challenge. One listener called in and said she was doing the "ASL bucket thing" because all of her friends were doing it.   ASL? What, is American Sign Language doing a "bucket thing" too?

 

Today, at work, I overheard a coworker ask another coworker, "What is ALS?", in reference to the Ice Bucket Challenge video that she posted to facebook. She stammered a bit and replied, "Yeah, I guess its like Lou Gehrig's or something like that." Really? You publicly poured a bucket of ice water over your head "for the cause" and the most you've got on the cause is "Lou Gehrig's or something like that"?

 

If you want to support the cause and raise awareness that's great, but at least visit the ALS Association website and read about Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS).  There you'll learn that ALS is a neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord, causing them to die and eventually leading to a patient's paralysis and death.  Pretty serious stuff.  And, no, I didn't or wouldn't really know that were it not for the Ice Bucket Challenge.  I'm not trying to sound super-smart or all serious, but my point is this: how many people are just dumping a bucket of ignorance?

 

It seems that we live in a world of blind following. Social media promotes jumping from one trend or fad to another, because it's cool and everyone is doing it. But, do people really stop and ask themselves "why?", or are they too busy looking for the next viral "cause" to "support"? While the Ice Bucket Challenge has undeniably and brilliantly accomplished the two goals of raising funds and raising awareness, isn't it still kinda scary what our world has become with many of the masses doing something like the Ice Bucket Challenge without really knowing why they are doing it?

 

And, let's talk a little more about blind. Also recently, in another venue, I heard two individuals talking about the Ice Bucket Challenge. One appeared to be twenty-something and the other forty-ish. Age may or may not have been a factor, but Twenty was asking Forty if she was doing the challenge, since she had been "called out" on facebook. Forty said she was choosing not to participate and that she already regularly financially supports causes that are important to her. (Yea for Forty!) Twenty reminded her that since she had been called out, she would have to donate $100 if she didn't take the bucket option. Forty chuckled and said, "HAVE to? Are the police going to come if I don't?" Twenty (sounding very serious) again affirmed, "No, you HAVE to!" I think the peer pressure of social media truly made Twenty feel like she had to do the bucket to avoid contributing $100.  Scary that some people seem to let the peer pressure of viral social media to do their thinking for them.

 

Now, I'm not a total curmudgeon. I understand that the ALS Association is elated.  Some people are having a lot of fun with this. Some are being very creative in producing their videos. Some are truly becoming more aware. The ALS Association is gaining funds for research and proving the beneficial power of social media.  Yep, we're having a few laughs and the ALS cause is benefiting. But, sadly many individuals are blindly pouring water over their heads because everyone else is doing it and they are, well... just getting all wet!

Bob remembered

On the way home from work last Friday, I stopped at the Original Mattress Factory, where I have previously purchased five mattress sets.  I brought home the sixth... a new twin set for Lily. 

I was greeted by a salesman, named Bob.  I recognized Bob, because I have dealt with him on past purchases.  This was a pretty quick purchase. Since I already own three twin sets, I told him I wanted one more model like the twin sets I have purchased in the past. As he was looking me up in the computer to verify the model, he said, "I think I remember you... aren't you the guy that..." 

I don't think Bob has a better than average memory... he just remembered me.

You see, about three years ago, Bob upset me, and I let him know it.  Bob remembered.

But, there is a little more to this story.  It was only a foggy memory to me, until Bob refreshed my memory as I purchased my mattress set.

The occasion he spoke of was when I purchased a twin mattress set for Benny's upgrade from the crib.  My closest OMF location is two counties away.  I called the store and spoke with Bob.  I told him exactly what I wanted and verified that he had a set in stock, before I burned the gas and mileage to drive the distance to pick it up.  I offered to give him a credit card over the phone to hold my purchase, as I didn't want to drive all the way there and go home with an empty van.  He assured me that he always had that model in stock and a credit card purchase was unnecessary.  I told him I would be in the next day.

The next day, I dropped the seats in the van and drove it to the OMF store.  I walked in and told him my name and that I was there to purchase one of the mattress sets we spoke of on the phone the previous day.  He sheepishly apologized and said that his store sold out of that model in the last 24 hours... a fluke that rarely happens.

I believed Bob.  He seemed like a good guy and I'm pretty sure he was being straight up honest.

Still, I was upset.

I drove home with an empty van after taking steps to prevent that very thing.

But, not before I let him have it.

I was hot and I made a bit of a scene.  I demanded to speak to his supervisor and I was not very nice about it.  Nope, it was a bit ugly and I'm not proud of it.  I had some justification, but I'm still not proud of it.

I had forgotten some of these details (or blocked them out of my memory), and I was somewhat embarrassed as we fast-forwarded three years and I was again sitting across the desk from Bob as he recounted the events from his memory.

I answered, "Yes, Bob, that was me that you remember.  I must have been really difficult if you remember me three years later?"

His answer surprised me.

"No, that's really not why I remember you", he said, "what I remember is that you called me the next day and apologized for being too hard on me.  In my work, that's unusual, and I'm glad you came back to my store today."

We completed the sale, loaded my van, and heartily shook hands as men who mutually respected each other.

I'm not extolling my virtues here.  No, I messed up and it is actually a little embarrassing. 

You see, why I'm writing this is that I think Bob and I both realized and respected each other's humanity.  Humans make mistakes.  Most mistakes can't be undone, but there is grace.

I don't know if Bob practices any form of faith, but God models grace for us.  If we, as humans, mess up and are repentant (seeking forgiveness with true remorse), God promises to forgive us and restore our relationship with Him.

I realized (a day late) that Bob was a sincere salesperson and he was truly sorry that I was inconvenienced.  I also realized that I was a jerk and it was really not Bob's fault.  And, Bob took my apology by phone as sincere.  Each of us messed up in some way three years ago, but there was mutual forgiveness.

Bob is virtually a stranger to me.  Yet, it felt really good to shake his hand last Friday and feel mutual grace and forgiveness in action.

It made an impression on Bob three years ago.  This post is evidence that it made an impression on me this past Friday.

Thanks, Bob, for the grace to remember my offense in light of my sincere apology!