Ben believes

The magic of Christmas was very much alive this year at our home. Never have I seen a kid so full of Christmas wonderment as what our Benny was this year.

It started in early November, when Jen took him with her on a shopping errand. When he entered the store and saw the Christmas trappings for sale, there was no turning back. He started asking non-stop to "get Christmas out of the basement". We've never had a tree up pre-Thanksgiving, but we did this year, and he was giddy with excitement.

I've never pushed Santa on our kids, but I've never discouraged him, either. I've always mostly just let that story take its course. I've attempted to balance it with trying to instill the real meaning of Christmas... the birth of Jesus... but I think Christmas should be somewhat magical for kids. There's plenty of time for seriousness when you're older. I’m not sure Jesus clicked with him this year, but Santa and his reindeer were very real for Benny this season.

"The Poad Express" (The Polar Express) is one of his favorite Christmas movies.  In case you are not familiar with the movie, it portrays jingle bells as a symbol of whether or not one believes in the magic of Christmas... the jingle bells are no longer audible to those who have stopped believing.  One evening Benny was playing with a jingle bell and he came up to me and rang it near my ear, asking me, "Do you hear it Dad?  I believe!"

 

A few weeks before Christmas, his class took a field trip to the mall to ride the mall train and talk to Santa.  I had the day off, so I got to tag along.  Unlike many kids, Benny didn't really go to tell him all the things he wanted.  He just wanted to talk to him, and talk he did.  He stepped right up and started talking and asking questions about the reindeer, like he was an old friend.  I don't think he ever really got to anything that resembled a Christmas list.

And, that's the beauty of Benny's disabilities... at least at this phase of his life.  He still possesses a naivety that many kids his age have started to lose by now. I think Santa was alive for Benny as much more than just a giant cosmic gift bearer. Santa, for Benny, seemed to be alive in the spirit of all things good and happy in the world. Christmas, and everything associated with it, just plain makes Benny happy.  And, shouldn’t it be so? Whether religious, secular, or a combination of both, Christmas, when you distill it, embodies the spirit of giving.

 

Of course, Benny WAS excited about getting presents!  But, not anything very specific.  At six years old, he still possesses a childhood innocence that was just happy to open gifts and had no concept of worth, value, or he-got-more-than-me attitude.  In fact, again this year, Benny's most favorite gifts were simply Hot Wheels cars (not that he needs any more, but he LOVES them!)

 

Throughout the entire season, Benny made me smile numerous times by randomly wishing me, "Merry Christmas, Dad!".  He also made me smile by enthusiastically wishing random strangers a hearty "Merry Christmas!"  In fact, I've heard him recently, well into January, still occasionally wishing someone "Merry Christmas".  It doesn't surprise me to hear this.  When I talked about taking the tree down, he protested.  When I explained to him that "Christmas is over", he simply stated, "No, it isn't Dad."

Out of the mouth of babes, as they say.

 

The decorations are down and packed away, but Benny has the right idea.  Why should the spirit of Christmas only be for a few weeks?  You go right on wishing "Merry Christmas" anytime you want, Benny... we could all learn some things from your six year old wisdom!

Christmas 2014 (Ben with his "BaZiggle")

 

Build it once, then you'll NEVER find all his pieces! 

please regift

Regift (v) - The act of taking a gift that has been received and giving it to someone else.

 

Have you ever heard a sermon on regifting?  I did… yesterday.  In fact, my pastor encouraged it!  Actually, he went so far as to suggest that God wants me to regift!

 

Let me explain…

 

Through December, my pastor has been preaching a Sunday morning series titled “the Gifts of Christmas”.  Each Sunday morning, there is a shiny wrapped package on the platform.  When he opens the package, there is something in it to illustrate the particular gift he is speaking about that day.  I especially liked and resonated with yesterday’s gift.

 

When he untied the large bow and removed the top of the package, he pulled out a second gift box, wrapped identical to the first.  His message was “Grace… the gift that keeps on giving”.  The main idea of his message was that if we have received grace from God, then we should pass that grace on to others.

 

Grace is a topic that has piqued my interest over the past years... both the grace that God has extended to me in the form of salvation through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ; and, the grace I, and my fellow humans, extend (or not) to each other.  This was a fresh and welcomed perspective on the subject.

 

He used the image of the gift-within-a-gift as a visual illustration, removing the inner gift and walking through the auditorium with the still-wrapped package extended in his hands, so that when others see him coming, they first see the gift of grace extended toward them.  He challenged us with the question, "Will you be perceived as a 'gift' to all those who come in contact with you?"

 

Convicting, to be sure!

 

I've had plenty of opportunities to extend grace to others over the course of my lifetime.  Sadly, I've often blown those opportunities.  I think the most missed opportunities occur within my own four walls... toward the family I love.  I'm learning, though, and I'd like to think I'm improving.  I've recently had some sizable tests of my grace extension.  I'm quite sure it is still a mix of pass and fail, but I hope those who have witnessed this testing would at least grade me as "showing improvement".

 

One thing to clarify about grace, though... grace is not being a doormat.  There are times when we need to hold others accountable for their decisions and actions.  There are times for judgement, justice and reckoning.  Even that, though, can often be handled graciously... especially if there is evidence of genuine remorse or a desire to right wrongs.

 

So, as I ponder, this Christmas season, some of the gifts I've received from the hand of God, I am truly thankful for God's grace.  But, perhaps I should work on doing a little more regifting.  I'm sure the giver would not be offended... in fact, He gives with instructions to "please regift"!

 

 

ten piece bucket

Some dads try to live vicariously through their children's sports lives.  Me?  I'm a band Dad!  I wish I would have learned to play an instrument when I was a kid, so when both of my oldest sons expressed an interest in joining the school band, I made sure to nudge them in that direction.

Dylan has been pursuing percussion since the fifth grade.  Now, in the eighth grade, he just completed his second football season as a member of the marching band drum line.  He is currently primarily on the snare drum for marching band, but plays various percussion instruments for concert band.

Zachary is in his second year of middle school band, playing the trumpet.  Next year, he will move to Junior High and start his first year in the marching band brass section.  Zachary seems to have a very natural ear for music, and often sits down at Jen's electric piano and picks tunes out.

For about a year, now, Dylan has been wanting a drum set.  He asked for one for Christmas this year, but I don't think he was very confident that he would get it.  Drum sets are not cheap, and it was more than we typically spend for Christmas, but I originally considered finding him a good used set.  Knowing nothing about drums, finding a "good used set" seemed overwhelming.  Not only that, Our home is not huge and there are six of us... a drum set takes considerable real estate.  I wanted to provide him an opportunity to further his love of percussion, but there were obstacles.

Enter the Pearl Rhythm Traveller.

Dylan loves Pearl drums.  And, it just so happens, as I researched drum sets, that Pearl makes the Rhythm Traveller... a drum set that is more compact for tight spaces and for ease of transporting to gigs.  It also comes with optional mesh practice heads, that are almost silent!  After reading many reviews, and finding them mostly positive, I had found my son's first drum set.  I asked both sets of grandparents if they were interested in throwing in with Jen and I on the cost, and they loved the idea (as long as the noise was in MY house!)

I got a good Black Friday deal online and had the set shipped to an accomplice neighbor's house.  Dylan was quite surprised on Christmas morning.
 

Some assembly required! 

 

Assembled with the real (noisy) heads in place... rock on, Dylan!

 

Dylan has been concocting a band idea with a couple of his musical friends, Noah and Joci.  Noah plays guitar and Joci plays drums or bass guitar.  The plan was for Dylan to be the drummer... if he had a drum set.  His future in the concept band hinged on Christmas!

 

Not wanting to be left out, Zachary tried to convince them that they needed a trumpet in the band.  Dylan was not convinced.  He then decided he'd like to get his hands on an electric guitar and see if he could teach himself enough to be a guitarist.

 

Jen's Mom caught wind of that and surprised Zachary with a used starter electric guitar and amp for Christmas.  Now, he has a shot at being a band member!

 

 Surprised... as was I!  I knew I was going to have the noise of drums in my home... now an electric guitar, too!

 

So, now the band (or the concept of the band, at this point) has a drummer, a guitarist, a bass guitarist and a potential future additional guitarist... and a tentative name.

 

The frontrunner for the band name is... Ten Piece Bucket.  I think it is a great name, and I asked Dylan where they came up with that.  He said, "If we ever get the band together and actually get a gig, we'll all feel like a bunch of chickens on stage."

 

I love the creativity of kids and music, and I love hearing (well, I think I love hearing... ask me in a few months) them trying to put their music knowledge together and challenging themselves to push further.

 

We'll see what becomes of "Ten Piece Bucket".  But, if they get it off the ground and make something of it, just remember that a big part of Ten Piece Bucket happened in a bedroom of my home... the bedroom right above my couch!  (Where are the earplugs?)

Chris-a-Mis!

"Ho Ho Ho!  I want some Chris-a-Mis!" 

cheer pressure

If you were to ask, my family might say I sometimes rant too much.  I mostly agree... after I am done ranting.  It is often a case of opening the mouth before engaging the brain.  Sometimes it is not necessarily what is said, but how it is said and how much is said.

The beauty of writing, though, is that, unlike speaking, you can lay it out and then edit it or take it back before you actually put it out there.  Therefore, my blog is rarely, if ever, used as a platform for ranting.

However...

I feel a rant coming on!

---

Holiday peer pressure.  You know what I am talking about, right?  Those holiday things you do because everyone else is doing them, or they are expected of you, or you fear what others will think if you are the only one not doing them.

Or, maybe... just maybe... you do them because you feel they are important for your good standing in your employment or other positions you hold.

WHAT?  That's not really happening... is it?

Oh yes... holiday peer pressure is real.

And, I don't like it.

Recently, my supervisor emailed everyone in my unit of twelve employees, requesting 2-3 things we wanted for the ten dollar limit "Secret Santa" gift exchange at our attendance-expected holiday outing.  The email included no optional language, such as "if you wish to participate...", or "for those participating in...".  Nope, just send me your reply by the end of the day. 

Now, I can claim no religious or other legitimate opposition or offense to such gift exchanges.  I just don't like them.  I am not sure I need to elaborate the reasons here.  Plain and simple... I just don't like them.

I'll even go one further.  As an introvert, I don't like office holiday outings and company Christmas parties, either.  (With the exception of one particular employer... you know who you are!)

Yet, nobody seems to care if I enjoy these things.  Either a supervisor plans them because they feel pressured to do so, or an office extrovert plans them thinking everyone is a bubbly socializer like themselves.  And, once they are planned and organized, there seems to be some unwritten rule that all should participate and do so enthusiastically and effortlessly.

The pressures are not always work-related, either.  Holiday peer pressure comes in many forms and from varying sources... family, church, clubs, schools, neighbors... wow, can the holidays ever get jam-packed full of busy "obligations", or what?

A number of years ago, I realized that I was very frustrated with the Christmas season.  I know a lot of the childhood magic of Christmas is harder to find and maintain when you transition to the role of making it magical for someone else's childhood... but, still, it should be fun.  So, I decided to make a conscious attempt to simplify the season and eliminate some things.  Some eliminated things were not necessarily unwanted things, but perhaps just not convenient, or required too many trips over the river and through the woods.  Others just didn't help make my days merry and bright.  While, still others, flat out nauseate me, Mr. Grinch, with a nauseaus super-naus!  I tried, as much as possible, to look at why I was participating in some things, and decided to man up to some holiday pressure.  I decided to do the things I did at Christmastime more because I wanted to, and less because I felt pressured to.

It's not always easy being the odd one.  I'm midway through my fourth decade.  Shouldn't I be done with peer pressure by now?  Yet, when the whole office is emailing their 3 things for the gift exchange (whether they truly want to, or not), it's not easy to tell the boss "I don't really do gift exchanges... I'd rather just sit it out."  Yeah, I'll probably be the only one (she reminded me), but, I'm a big boy... it is a relief to not have hanging over my head, "what am I gonna buy for the gift exchange?" and, "when am I gonna make time to stop at the store?" and, "shoot, gift exchange is tomorrow and I didn't wrap my dang gift yet." The relief far outweighs the slight discomfort of watching everyone else unwrap a $10 gift while I have none.

It might seem odd to many (yet, I am sure there are many others, who, possibly secretly, totally resonate with this post), but my decision not to participate actually makes my season merrier.  And, as luck would have it, the holiday outing is scheduled for an afternoon during which I had already scheduled a week off... so I am not even attending said holiday outing!  The introvert wins!

Will it affect my employment standing to be true to myself?

It may.

Should it affect my employment standing to be true to myself?

I know what my answer is.  I'll go so far as to say I'm pretty sure I know what the right answer is, but... you decide!

Christmas events

This Christmas is one that I, personally, am a little glad that it's behind us.  Jen and I both had a difficult time getting into the spirit of the season this year.  Just how much difficulty, you ask?  Well, as I write this, it is the 28th of December and our Christmas tree is still without ornaments.  Yep, we put up the tree mid-month, got as far as the lights... and ran out of deck-the-halls energy!  We squeaked through Christmas on a bare minimum level of activity this year, and I'm not sure that's a bad thing... maybe even refreshing!  Of course, it didn't help that 5 out of 6 of us were some sort of sick through the bulk of the holiday.  I'm hoping we have more holiday energy next year, but here are a few of the few photos we bothered to take:

Lily, looking pretty for her kindergarten Christmas program.

She enjoyed singing.

Dylan and Zachary (shepherd #1 and shepherd #2) in the church Christmas play.  Costumes were pretty low-key, but when we were debating what Zachary should wear, I suggested his sandals.  He was upset that they were trimmed in bright green with the brand "Nerf" prominent in bright green.  He said Biblical shepherds would not wear Nerf sandals.  We said, maybe he was an affluent shepherd named Nerf, with monogrammed sandals.  He chose not to wear the sandals, but we still called him, "Nerf, the keeper of the sheep"!

Dylan's second role (King Herod).

post-play cast picture

Lily wanted a "radio-controlled dog".  Meet Go-Go, the Fur Real Friends mechanical dog.  She walks, she wags, she barks... and nobody has to clean up the yard!

Story here:  The boys have had a very outdated Sony PlayStation video game for several years.  They wanted a Nintendo Gamecube this year, which is still outdated, but less outdated than what they had.  Our family is not sure we are Wii impressed, so the Gamecube is, in my opinion, still a great system for cheap.  They relentlessly bugged me for a few months prior to Christmas.  I wrapped just the power cord/transformer and kept it separate from the rest of the gifts.  Their hope was getting deflated as they got to their last gifts, and no Gamecube.  I was proud of them, though.  They were mature about it, and I felt just a little bad.  After everything was opened, I let them sit a few minutes.  Then, in the spirit of Ralphie Parker's Dad (from the movie, A Christmas Story), I produced one last gift for them (but too small to be a Nintendo Gamecube).  Slightly confused, they opened it.  Even more confused, they studied it for a moment.  In this photo, Zachary is just discovering the small words on the transformer body, "Nintendo Gamecube", and the realization is dawning on Dylan.  Much excitement erupted seconds after this photo!  Boys... you've been PONED!

As I was uploading photos, I realized that poor Benny wasn't represented in this year's Christmas photos.  Sorry, Benny!  You'd have to know Benny, but he takes so much parental energy that there isn't always any photographic energy left over.  He was really not into Christmas.  Not the gifts, not the unwrapping, not much of anything.  It doesn't help that he has had a nasty cold and hasn't been eating or sleeping well through the holiday.  I'll have to get a few pictures with his new toys, but for now, these are, unfortunately for him, about the only Benny Christmas pictures this year:

Benny is lately into trying on other people's shoes.  Here he is checking his look in sister's ruby Christmas shoes!

Secure in his manhood and happy with his look!  Love ya, Benny Jay!

deck the hallway

The kids are anxious to put up the Christmas decorations.  Me... not so much. 

So, Dylan, Zachary and Lily decided to do their own decorating.  Dylan made this Christmas tree out of K'NEX and construction paper.  They added tissue paper snow and the boy's Geo Trax train.  Lily contributed one of her teddy bears, a shoe box "gift" wrapped in red construction paper, and a plate of plastic cookies and milk for Santa from her kitchen set.

The exhibit can be found on display, for the rest of the year, decking the (yet to be finished) hallway between their bedroom doors.  Oh, and although it doesn't show in the picture, the exhibit also includes a K'NEX stand to hold a strategically aimed flashlight, placed on the other side of the hallway, to light the display in the dark.

Don't you love the creativity of kids?

just for fun!

My brother sent me this... probably as close as I'll ever get to seeing a leg lamp in that window!

Home for Christmas

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, from our home to yours. I hope you have a safe holiday season, and that you are able to celebrate with ones you love. I hope, too, that you have the greatest Christmas gift possible. . . Jesus Christ!


Here is a picture of the kids with our "Charlie Brown" tree. We are a little tight on space with our remodeling and the addition of two more kids, one with lots of baby gear, so we didn't put up a full sized tree this year. We actually really like our simple pencil tree, though.

A tradition that I started when Dylan was born, is to make an ornament that is significant for each kid every year. Well, almost every year. . . I missed a few. We skipped the bulbs and beads on this tree, and just used the sentimental ornaments this year. I was very emotional when I pulled out the one that we put on the tree last year, in honor of Longxiao, our future daughter. What a blessing to have Lily home this Christmas, to place that significant ornament on the tree, in person. And, her little brother is here, as well. . . a blessing we knew nothing about last Christmas.

I saw this video on another blog recently. I know it features China, but how wonderful it is to think of all the children of the world, adopted in 2008, that are home for Christmas this year. And yet, I can't help but feel a twinge of sadness for all the children who have no home for Christmas this year.

Merry Christmas! Jeff and Jenny; Dylan, Zachary, Lily, and Ben

My three stars

Tonight was the children's Christmas play at our church. It was titled, Heli, the Star of Bethlehem. Since I have some drama experience, I was one of the adults that helped put the play together. When we started working on it in the fall, it honestly appeared a little hopeless. But, the kids really worked hard, and we pulled it together.

Dylan was asked to take a speaking part this year, and at first he said he didn't want to, because he was too shy. I pushed him to take it, telling him that it is good to stretch ourselves sometimes, and do things that are hard. Once he started memorizing and rehearsing, he got excited about it. In fact, he wasn't feeling well this morning, but he was determined to be there tonight for his part. He did a great job, and I was proud of him.

Zachary sang in the kids choir. When Dylan stayed home from church this morning, Zachary also agreed, last minute, to be his understudy. He rehearsed in Dylan's place during the Sunday School hour, and spent a large part of the afternoon cramming to memorize Dylan's lines, in case he had to pinch hit for his brother. In the end, he didn't complain at all when Dylan performed, and his effort was for naught. I was really proud of Zachary for his attitude, and he seems to have a dramatic flair. Maybe next year. . .

Lily also sang Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star with the group of younger kids. She didn't quite get all the words, but she was right up front, singing, swaying, and giving it her all. It was one of those evenings that make a parent want to say, "those are my kids"!

My three thespians

Lily (left, front) singing, "ting-ko, ting-ko, la la star"

Zachary (left, front), and Dylan (2nd from left, back)

Dylan, as "Polaris, the North Star"

distant greetings

What is the most distant holiday greeting you have received? We were surprised to find this card all the way from Shenzhen, China, in our mail box today. It is to Lily and our family, from the orphanage where she lived.

You used up ALL the glue...

Some have inquired as to the verdict on whether I can obtain and/or display a leg lamp in my home. It's not looking real good for "...electric sex, gleaming in the window". If anything, the post probably strengthened Jen's stance. It seems like the consensus is that it would be funny... in MY window, but not yours! Jen actually admitted that it would be funny... in YOUR window, but not hers! So, I still don't get it; if it's funny in another window, why is it not funny in mine? I'll keep working on it. There's always next year...

Fra-gee-lay... must be Italian!

Are you familiar with the movie, A Christmas Story? If not, it is the one in which the main character, Ralphie, wants a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas, but his mom says "you'll shoot your eye out". In the movie, Ralphie's old man (I don't like the term, but it's used in the movie) wins a "major award", which turns out to be this leg lamp. To the chagrin of Ralphie's mom, the old man proudly displays it in the front window of the family home.

Here is a photo of the front of our 1920's vintage home. Here's the dilemma: Although it doesn't look exactly like Ralphie's home, it is from the same era. I say the front living room window is the perfect place to display a replica of the old man's leg lamp. I think it would be a hoot! I want one for Christmas. Jen says, "no way"! I say, "you have no sense of humor". She says, "that's not humor, it's tacky". I say, "that's the point... that's what makes it humorous"!

In all fairness, I must tell you that this living room has never been inhabited since we have owned the home. It is the part of the home that I am renovating, and I am WAY behind schedule. We use a family room addition off the back as our current living room. I am very close to having it to the point that I can wire, insulate and drywall this area, and Jen longs for it to be finished and the Christmas tree displayed in the front window. And, she deserves that... at least for a few years... but, then would it be funny to put a leg lamp in the window? She still says, "absolutely not"! Any opinions?

boxes, tags, and... Legs!

Ah... time for Christmas shopping, already. As I peruse the toy aisles and glossy catalogs with my children, I am in awe of just how many choices there are. I don't think there was such variety, or such fancy gizmos when I was a kid. I'm not that old, mind you, but it seems that toys just get more elaborate and busier to compete for attention. Our Adult Sunday School teacher was recently discussing this to make a point, and he illustrated it with the lyrics to the Marvelous Toy, a John Denver song that says, "It went 'zzzip' when it moved, 'bopp' when it stopped, 'brrr' when it stood still. I never knew just what it was and I guess I never will."

Yet, it is often not the fanciest toys that are the best. My Mom has often told stories of how her and her brothers cut windshields in cardboard boxes, put them over their heads, and steered them with pan lids... the predecessor to Power Wheels? I remember saving a lifetime of wooden popsicle sticks (not from the craft store, but ones half stained purple, red, and orange from eating the popsicle). My brother and I used them to lay out elaborate roads, driveways, and campgrounds for our Hot Wheels cars that stretched from one end of our ranch home to the other.

So, what are some of my kids favorite things to play with? Well, many days, Dylan aspires to be an inventor. He loves boxes. Any kind of box. He has many imaginative ideas for simple cereal boxes. Here he is pictured with his latest creation. To me it is a flattened cereal box. To him it is a "Magic Board". I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but you stand on the Magic Board and twist at the hips. The Magic Board glides over the carpet and the twisting motion actually propels him forward. He has been propelling himself through the house on his Magic Board for the past few days. I tried it and was able to move about a little, but I am not as proficient as he. It is great exercise and very imaginative. He has an outdoor prototype ready to test in our next snowfall. To me it is a flattened cereal box wrapped in a plastic shopping bag... to him it is a waterproof, outdoor, "Magic Snow Board". I love imagination!

Lily is a collector of trinkets. I am not sure what the fascination is, but she is enamoured with tags. Whenever a new product comes into our house with a dangling tag, it is her goal to acquire the tag. Yes, she has "real" toys, but they don't interest her half as much as tags. She likes to put them in little boxes, her little purse, or her Dora bag, and carry them around the house. Several times we have been away from home and she pulls a tag out of her pocket and shows me, "see, Xiao Xiao's". I find it cute, but maybe a little sad at the same time. I am not sure what the fascination is with the tags. My theory is that it represents "newness", and perhaps life in an orphanage rarely afforded her anything new. Nonetheless, they make her happy.

And, then there is "Legs". This character was an unnamed, mediocre, military action figure that originally belonged to Dylan. After his horrible accident, Zachary acquired him (at least this much of him), named him "Legs", and has completely rehabilitated him. I am amazed at what Legs can accomplish with just... well... legs! Legs can drive cars, trucks, and bulldozers. I've seen him battle pirates, command ships, and spacecrafts. He is currently one of Zach's favorite toys, and with the aid of a little imagination, there isn't much that Legs can't do.

So, as we head toward the store aisles and catalogs, into the land of glitz and things that go "zzzip" when they move, "bopp" when they stop, and "brrr" when they stand still, I want to give my kids things they will love and enjoy. But, in the long run, can I really compete with boxes, tags, and... Legs?