No, no, no! I did NOT get my 11 year-old daughter a tattoo!Absolutely not!
She doesn't even have her ears pierced!
But, I was recently told by a faithful reader and adoptive mom that "Lily doesn't get enough ink!" So, I figured "inking" an update was in order.
I am actually well aware of the fact that, although she is the one who started me on this blog path, she now tends to receive the least press. It is not intentional. It has nothing to do with boys vs. girl, or anything like that. It's just the way it works out.
Benny gets the most press, because... well, he's Benny. There's often no shortage of material there!
Dylan and Zachary seem to get press because they are the oldest and have often experienced firsts. They have also been my adventure partners over the past years... overnight bike rides and backpack trips... things I enjoy recording in the blog.
But, Lily lives fairly under the radar a lot in our home.
She's a good girl, fairly quiet, mostly easy to get along with... but amazing in many regards. And, in ways we often take for granted.
Technically speaking, Lily is a "special needs" kid, or a child with a "disability". In her case, I prefer the term "differently-abled". Whatever it would be called (and calling it something is a moving target with the political correctness police at the door), I barely even notice. This is due, in part, to the fact that her "disability" (if it even is such) is overshadowed in our home by Ben's multiple disabilities. On the surface, that might look like like a negative, but I'm not so sure but what it may be a positive for her.
Before Ben, I tended to focus more on Lily's limb difference. In the process of adopting her, it seemed huge. In those days, I would often try doing things with one hand-- zipping my jacket, tying my shoe... stuff like that-- to see just what life for my future daughter would be like. I pictured it full of struggle and difficulty. During the early times of her life in our family, there was more fussing over her... as though we two-handed people needed to teach her how to do things with one hand... kinda ludicrous, if you think about it! After all, who has more experience at that... her or me?
But, along came Ben and the world of developmental delays, therapies, assessments, diagnoses, multiple disabilities... stuff that demanded more attention than Lily's limb difference.
So, for the most part, we stopped fussing over her "disability" and she has grown up mostly as though she has none.
Which is why, if I were forced to put a label on her limb difference, I like "differently-abled". In other words, having different (not less) abilities than a "typical" person. Yeah... I dare you to find something a "typical" 11 year-old girl can do that she can't, or even that she struggles with, for that matter. The reality is that "differently-abled" in her case probably means that she has MORE ability than you or I! She can do with five fingers what it takes the rest of us ten to accomplish!
Lily is very independent. She asks for help with almost nothing. And, she is always one of the first children in my family ready and in the car when it is time to go somewhere... shoes on and tied, jacket zipped... no sweat!
Among Lily's accomplishments this year is blowing the trumpet in first year band. She is sounding pretty good and I am looking forward to her first concert in the spring. Even her older brother Zachary (who is in his fourth year and among the top trumpet players in the marching band) has complimented her skills. On some occasions, they both have their trumpets home at the same time and have been known to put together some two-part duets... it's a very cool thing to hear reverberating through the walls of my home!
She is also in her second year of girl's basketball, which is something she has completely taken the initiative to do. Both years, when sign ups for the team came around, she approached us and told us she wanted to play. She is one of the smaller girls on her team, but that doesn't seem to bother her. She handles the ball with five fingers every bit as good as her ten-fingered teammates and has, I think, one of the nicest foul shots of any of any girl on her team. Recently a family member of one of her teammates mentioned how they were impressed with her and how they didn't even notice her limb difference until another parent pointed it out (in a complimentary way).
I sometimes wonder if I am doing her a disservice by focusing so much on Benny's disabilities and largely overlooking hers. But, if most of the world (with the exception of a few mean kids) don't really notice her limb difference as any kind of a disability and she grows up largely unhindered and unlimited, isn't that better than fussing over her and causing her to be dependent? I think maybe it is.
Regardless, whether I'm doing it right or not-so-right as a parent, I'm proud of Lily and I'm proud of her strength in taking "disabled" with a shrug and instead rocking out "differently-abled"! Rock on, girl!
