off track

While Saturday's outing at the Kiwanis Junior Olympics was a good day, I suspect it was a different kind of day for me than it was for a majority of parents.  It was so much more than just watching my kids compete in a few races.  Because of the delays and disabilities associated with Ben's IDIC 15, days like this can be very complex.

Benny spends a large part of his life somewhat in a protective bubble.  He attends a school specifically for children with developmental disabilities.  He rides busing exclusive to his school.  He takes numerous field trips with his school class.  In all of these contexts, he is understood and accepted.  When he attends Sunday School, he has a personal "buddy" who attends with him and looks out for him (a teenage girl who has made helping him in Sunday School her ministry).  And, other than that, he is mostly with a network of loving immediate and extended family members.

But, the Kiwanis Junior Olympics was NOT the Kiwanis Junior Special Olympics.  No... to let him participate in this was to throw him into the world of typical kids... and that's a little scary for this dad!  One thing that worries me in these contexts is the hidden nature of Ben's disabilities.  I think there is a tendency to be more accommodating to disabilities of a more visible nature.  But, visibly, Ben is assumed to be "typical".

When he found out that he was old enough to "run a race like Dylan and Zachary", he was really excited.  To deny him the opportunity would be the safe and protective thing, but it would have really disappointed him to watch his sister participate if he didn't get to.  So, the first question that had to be decided was whether or not he would be able to perform the tasks with little or no accommodation.

A week, or so, before the registration was due, we took him to "track practice"... just like Dylan and Zachary.  We went up to the school track on a Saturday evening and his older brothers were his coaches.  They explained starting, running through the finish line, staying in his lane... then we let him run some 25 and 50 meter sprints.  And... he did really good!  But, that was with five of us explaining, coaching, and helping... a benefit he would not have on the day of the olympics.  We felt, though, that he could handle it and signed him up.

Jen had class, so I took him to the event.  I debated disclosing his disabilities and asking if I could assist him, but no other parents would be on the track with their kids, and it may not have been well received.  Remember... hidden disabilities...

I decided to just let him jump into the big, bad typical world and I stayed off the track, just like all the other parents.  I did have the advantage of having his two older brothers working "inside" and some of their friends are acquainted with Benny, so I asked them to stick close when they could and look out for him... and maybe subtly ask some of their track teammates to do the same.

I have always been (and still am) a protective parent.  But, I don't think I'm in the category of "helicopter parent".  With Benny, though, that is debatable.  Saturday, I definitely approached it.  I stayed off the track and outside the fence when Benny was on the track, but I adjusted my position along the fence to mostly be in as close proximity to him as possible... allowing him to feel independent, but looking out for him.

It was a tough role.  Tough because of some of the things I witnessed that made my heart hurt for my son.

Fortunately, I think a lot of things go past Ben.  I'm not sure he absorbs all of the world around him.  At least not all the bad parts.  I  think he always expects good of people.  But, the world can be mean.  Kids can be mean.  Especially when they expect "typical" and they get a bit atypical.

A lot of typical seven year-olds do not make porpoise sounds.  But, my Benny makes the coolest porpoise sounds EVER!  It always makes me smile.  But reactions of other seven year-olds are not so endearing.  While waiting in the bullpen for his age group to race, he broke out in a chorus of porpoise sounds, to which another young man said, "you're stupid!"  I'm not sure if Benny registered it... I sure hope not.  But my heart broke.  In a fatherly way, I reminded the boy he shouldn't talk to other people like that... but I wanted to hang him by his toes until he could make porpoise noises as cool as Ben!

Ben is also not as spatially aware as most.  In another instance, he was waiting with a group of kids and spontaneously decided to do some leg stretches... like he's seen his older brothers do.  Without being aware of his surroundings, he suddenly crouched and threw a leg out behind him, tripping a boy that was walking nearby.  It looked a little deliberate, but I knew it was absolutely not.  The boy verbally challenged Benny... "Hey kid!  Why'd you trip me?"  I'm not even sure Ben knew that he did, and I'm not sure he registered that the kid was talking to him.  He just went about his business.  So... since I was "hovering" nearby, I helped out by telling the boy that it was an accident and telling Ben to apologize.... which he did, but I'm not sure he knew why.

Yet another instance I foresaw, but was not close enough to intervene.  They ran two heats of  the 50m in his age group.  They lined the first heat at the start, then lined up the second heat five or six feet behind the first, telling them to wait.  To my dismay, Ben was in the second heat.  I couldn't do anything, but I instantly knew that he would run with the first heat, because we explained to him to run as fast as he could when the gun fired.  Sure enough, the gun fired and off went heat one plus Benny.  An official chased him down and put him back in heat two and I feared that he would be confused and not run the second time.  Helicopter Dad was right... gun went off and he stood there because he didn't want to make a second mistake.  With a little prodding, he took off running as fast as he could.

I think all of these moments were harder on me than they were on him.  He appeared to be having a blast!  But, I can never tell how much of the world around him is impacting him, and I want to go ahead of him and smooth things out!

When it came time for the awards ceremony, I was, again, apprehensive for my son.  In every event, they gave medals for first through third places and ribbons for fourth through sixth places.  I wasn't sure whether he would win anything, and I wasn't sure if he would be crushed if he didn't or wouldn't really care.  I'm not a fan of participation trophies, at least not in the typical world... but I was really hoping my son would win something and I wasn't sure he would understand the whole concept of "not everyone can win".

I was pretty sure his best chance of winning a ribbon was the softball throw.  We signed him up for that because it is something he has been working on at physical therapy.  When they did the award, I had my camera at the ready and my fingers crossed.  Sixth... not Benny.  Fifth... not Benny.  Fourth... not Benny.  My daddy's heart hurt for my son, as I anticipated him working so hard and going home empty handed.  Third place medal goes to... Ben!  YES!  No ribbon, but he MEDALED!  I clapped.  I cheered.  I snapped a pic.

And, then I cried.

I'm not sure what the other parents thought, but I couldn't help it.  I sat in the stands and cried.  With some physical challenges... some mental challenges... some processing challenges... my son entered a contest of mostly typical kids to be like his big brothers... and he WON!

He also won a ribbon in one of his sprints.  Man, was that kid excited!  He couldn't see me wiping away tears because I was beaming at the same time.  About 8 or 10 times, he turned around to face me in the stands, held up his medal and ribbon and (with a huge smile) yelled, "I WON!"  Every time he did, I gave him a huge thumbs up and I wanted to stand up and tell the whole stands, "That's my boy... HE WON!"

Benny (center):  "I WON!"

I suspect for most parents it was just a fun outing for their kids to run a few races and maybe win an award.  For me, it was much more.  It was hard to witness some of the reactions of people who do not understand Benny.  And, it was really hard for this borderline helicopter special needs dad to stay "off track".  But, in this instance, the risk was worth it to see him overcome some challenges and proclaim to me (and the rest of the folks in the stands), "I WON!"

Yes, you won, Benny!  But, with or without ribbons and medals, you're always a winner to me!  And... if they gave medals for porpoise impressions... you're medal would be golden!  Love you kid!

on track

Interest in track for Dylan and Zachary was partly born out of the Kiwanis Junior Olympics, which is an event for 6 through 12 year-olds, sponsored by our local Kiwanis Club in conjunction with our school's track team.  It is a chance for the track team to host a meet for the younger crowd, and create an interest for the future members of the Jr. High and High School track teams.

Dylan and Zachary, Junior Olympics 2011

What started here is now currently wrapping up a season with several first and second place finishes, as well as some broken school records for both boys.  Also, what started here is now a chance to give back... by helping to host this past Saturday's Kiwanis Junior Olympics 2016.

It was a beautiful sunny May day and all four of my kids were on the track.  The older two were helping run events and encouraging the younger crowd with some high fives and other encouragement.  And, the younger two were competing in some of those events.

 

Zachary raking out the long jump pit

Dylan measuring the softball throw 

my 2 young track stars (it's usually Benny that is hard to get a good smile... this time it was Lily)

Lily - long jump

Benny - 25m

Benny - 25m

Benny - 3rd place medal for softball throw

Lily - 2nd place medal for long jump (medal placed by Zachary)

Benny (center): "I WON!"

Benny looked forward to "the race" for days... wanting to be just like his older brothers.  I love that my older boys run track and it's great that the Kiwanis Club hosts this event for the younger kids.  I miss a lot of the track meets, due to my work schedule, but it was a fun day to be "on track" with my family!

track is... different

I've sat in the stands at a number of high school football halftime band shows over the past few years (one kid on percussion and another on trumpet).  They play this game called football before and after the show.  I watch the game, since I'm waiting for the band anyway.  I'm not heavily invested in it, but I've noticed it seems to make a lot of parents crazy. (Maybe you are one?)  I've witnessed a number of parents yelling, screaming, ridiculing and cursing at the game, the refs, the coaches, the opponent, the home team... and their own kid.  It's pretty ridiculous, really.

 

I've also sat in the stands this past winter at a number of 4th grade girls basketball games.  I was more invested in these, because my daughter was on the court.  With only one set of stands, parents from both teams sat together, and I witnessed a lot of drama on the court (exaggerated fouls, etc.) and in the stands (poor parental sportsmanship).

 

Both experiences reinforced why I've often said that I'm not a fan of team sports.  I really think that Americans take sports WAY too seriously... at all levels, from professional down to the youngest of teams. And, it's probably the most ridiculous the younger they are.

 

I mean, really... refs and coaches need to break up a "mom brawl" in the stands at a 4th grade basketball game? (Yes, I witnessed it!) And, you're going to sit in the stands and verbally insult 4th grade girls playing basketball... not knowing if you're sitting behind the parents of the girl you're insulting? Or, you're going to publicly yell at your own or someone else's kid because he dropped a football (while you get so distracted you "fumble" your nachos)?

 

Really?

 

Don't get me wrong... athletics is serious.  It takes great discipline to be an athlete.  No matter the sport, an athlete should give their reasonable best to it (reasonable varying and being dependent on the age and level at which they are playing). But, it's the sport and the game itself (mostly on the spectator side) that is often taken too seriously, especially by parents who think their 5 year old T-Ball player is destined for the Major Leagues, their 4th grade daughter is sure to play in the WMBA and their high school football player is a shoe-in for an NFL draft.

 

It's a game, folks.

 

Encourage your kids to do their best... and have fun... and leave it at that, huh?

 

That said, there is a sport that I am growing to love.  I love it because it is, for the most part, very different than the antics described above.

 

Track and Field.

 

I considered running track when I was in school, but never pursued it.  Now, seeing my boys on the track makes me wish I would have. Yes, I know I could become a runner now, but a 40+ year old body is a much different thing than a teenage body, and I love hiking too much to pound my knees to death in a pair of running shoes.

 

A freshman, Dylan is in his third year of track.  He loves relays and his favorite distances are currently the 400m and 800m.  (That's one lap and two laps, respectively, around the track). 

Relay handoff... Dylan (L) in his favorite tan hat

 

 

Carrying the baton

 

Pistol fires for the open 800m (Dylan outside lane)

 

Beating his personal record (PR) by 5 seconds, this finish earned him 10th place in his high school record book for the 800m... as a freshman! Way to go, Dylan!

 

A seventh grader, Zachary is in his first year of track and has been trying out a few different sprints... 100m, 200m and 400m, (quarter lap, half lap and single lap) but seems to favor slightly shorter sprints than his brother.  We weren't sure how his asthma would treat him, but so far, so good.  He has good form on the track and is athletically pushing himself pretty hard.  I'm very proud of his first season efforts.
 

Zachary (black and orange, yellow shoes) 400m

 

Zachary, pushing hard (entering left) 100m

 

While hanging out at the track for meets, as my schedule permits, I've noticed a lot of differences between track meets and football or basketball games.

 

While there is a lot of yelling (and I do my share), there is a profound absence of NEGATIVE yelling at the track officials... at the coaches... at the opponents... at the athletes... at the results.  Actually, there is very little negativity, period.

 

Yeah, there's actually sportsmanship at track meets!  There's sportsmanship among athletes, parents, coaches and officials.

 

I see runners lining up side by side with one another, and, although everyone on the track is an opponent (even teammates), they often shake hands with one another and wish each other a good race.  Afterwords, I have seen them breathlessly congratulate a victor, or encourage the runner who struggled to cross the line last or the one who pulled a muscle and finished last in severe pain.  All of this individually and voluntarily... not the forced team pleasantries before or after other types of sporting events.  I know there are exceptions, but there is a general sense of camaraderie among runners at these events that connects runners from all schools in a bond that I'm not sure other sports have.

 

Both boys have commented on this.  They say it is a sport where you are competing against others, but also competing against yourself.  They may not always finish in the top, but get a sense of victory by beating their PR.

And, my perception of the sport is that it is very hard core athletic.  Both boys push themselves pretty hard and often voluntarily go to bed early during track season, as a result.  The slogan on the back of Dylan's high school track t-shirt sums it up...

"I will do what you won't today, so I can do what you can't tomorrow!"

That mentality gives each athlete an appreciation for each other and a sense of fraternity that allows them to, in many cases, compete with each other with a very strong sportsmanship ethic.  The boys have both said it is one of the things they really like about track meets.

And, as to the parents, I have not really witnessed any poor sportsmanship there, either.  Track meets, especially Saturday ones, last for HOURS and parents from all schools share the stands amicably, for the most part, often making small talk in the down time between their kid's events.  I have not detected any strong rivalries at track meets.  Yet, when it is time for their kid to compete, parents take it very seriously... not in a way that says, "your kid's going down!", but in a way that says, "I wanna see my kid do their personal best, and I'd love it if he/she could place."

I see coaches that push their kids to excel, but do it in a way that does not berate and belittle them.  (I once witnessed a pre-game "pep talk" by our football coach... I was appalled... cursing at the boys for their losing season and telling them to get out there and get their act together.)

And back to the yelling... it's mostly positive!  Shouting encouragement to your kid as they are pushing their body to their limit to shave a second off their time... shouting encouragement to one of your kid's buddies as they do the same... or, often giving an attaboy/attagirl cheer for a stranger's kid as they push themselves just to finish last, because there is something to be said for finishing.

I can't get to all of their meets because they happen before I get home from work, or we have to divide and conquer with other kids, but when I am able to be there, I YELL!  I want my kids to know I am there!  I want them to hear their name at the top of my lungs when they are pushing themselves around that track!  I want them to know that first or last, I'm proud of them!

So, while I'd cheer for my kids in any team sport they were participating in because I'm a fan of them, I remain not a fan of [most] team sports themselves... but track is... different!

To me, it's more of what athletics should be!