stoker

I've been taking Benny biking with me nearly since he was big enough to sit up independently.  Back in the days when the two older boys were younger and would routinely go biking with me, I bought a trailer to tow behind my bike so that Ben could join us.  It will hold two, so I towed both Ben and Lily a few times, but Lily soon was able to ride her own bike.  I would often ride with either Dylan and Zachary, who at the time could manage 15-18 miles on our local bikeways; or I would go with Lily, who could manage 10-12 miles.  But, the constant was that Benny ALWAYS wanted to go.

As the kids have gotten older and their interests have changed, they rarely want to ride with dad.  But, Benny has never turned down an opportunity to go, so it has often been just the two of us.

Two favorite memories stand out from the bike trailer years.  The first is the trip that he insisted that "Monkey" go with us.  We strapped Benny and Monkey into the trailer and away we went.  He was chattering to Monkey for miles while I pedaled... good times!

A boy and his monkey enjoying a ride!

The second memory was a time that he took a few (I think about four) Hot Wheels cars to occupy him in the trailer.  After a while, as I was pedaling down the paved bikeway, I heard something go "tink, tink, tink..." on the asphalt behind me and fading away as I rode.  A few moments later, "tink, tink, tink..."  What is that sound?  "tink, tink, tink..."  After about the third time, I finally suspected that we may be leaving a trail of Hot Wheels as we rode.  I turned around and rode my backtrail a little way.  Sure enough, there they were.  There was a small gap at the back corners of the trailer fabric, and Benny was chucking Hot Wheels out the gap!  We managed to retrieve all the cars... I think!

But, we are reaching the time when Ben has to squish himself into the trailer to go with me.  For several months, I have been pondering an alternative.  I don't want to stop taking him.  He loves to go on adventures with dad and I like hanging out with him.

Barely fits!

With Ben's developmental disabilities, it took him a long time to get the hang of operating pedals.  But, once he finally got it, he really goes!  His balance and coordination, though, is such that I questioned whether riding a traditional two-wheeler was something he would ever be able to master.  At the very end of last season I took the training wheels off... just for curiosity.  To my amazement, he figured it out pretty quickly!  I was thrilled!  Still, it was a very rough start, and the riding season was over... so, in the shed went the bike.  This spring when I got the bikes back out of the shed, he picked up where he left off, and really surprised me.  After riding in circles for a while on the driveway, I decided to venture out onto our fairly quiet street.  We rode a bit back and forth, then to a nearby church parking lot, where he really cranked it up (he likes going fast!).  He's a bit wobbly and we REALLY need to work on brakes... he tries them, but often panic stops (or tries to) with the toes of his sneakers against the asphalt.

I'm very encouraged, though!  I questioned if he would ever be able to ride independently with me, but I can completely see it as a possibility... eventually.  I still think it will be a while before he has the safe skills and endurance to go a bit with me on the bikeways. But, someday...

As an alternative to the trailer, I had been considering a buddy bike... a single wheel bike that adds onto an adult bike, making it a three-wheeled tandem.  I had doubts that he would safely sit up straight and stay on the bike, though.  However, when he surprised me with his mad two-wheel skills, I knew I had to try the buddy system.  I started checking CraigsList for a used one, but they were all a little more than I wanted to "risk", not knowing if the option would work.

Then, late last week, one popped up locally that was just what I was looking for at the price I was hoping for.  It was just a few miles from where I work, but I was pretty sure it would not last until I went back to work on Tuesday.  I emailed them and made arrangements to go pick it up Saturday morning.  Ben was staying overnight with his grandparents Friday night, so I couldn't wait for him to get home to see it.

Attached, adjusted, and ready to go!

When Ben got home Saturday evening, he was very excited about his surprise!  We took it out for a few trial spins around the neighborhood and it seemed like it would work.

First trial ride

When we got home from church today, Ben wanted to go to the bike trail!  (And, so did I!)  We loaded everything up and headed out...

Bike and a half!

Ready to ride!

It was a neat experience.  We rode 14 miles together, with him saying "hello" and "hi there" to every passing cyclist.  He felt so cool with his biking upgrade!  It was a bit wobbly, at times, but I was able to compensate for his unsteadiness.  The rider on the back of a tandem arrangement is known as the "stoker"... and for the first mile, or so, he REALLY was.  He was pedaling hard and I could actually feel  the power of the stoker.  A few times I reminded him to go a little easier so he didn't wear out.  After about a mile, he discovered that we went just as fast if he coasted... and there was a lot of coasting going on after that!  I didn't mind.  The trail is flat and I am used to towing him.  Every once in a while he would pedal a bit, but towing him isn't too hard on level and it's a better work out for dad.  Even if he is not pedaling, it is still great exercise for him.  Since a characteristic of IDIC 15 is lack of muscle tone, the action of sitting up straight and maintaining balance on the tandem is great to build core strength.

And, pedaling or not, as long as I'm able to tow my "stoker" I love having him along!  I'm excited about the next phase of our biking together!

doggone

Once upon a time there was a boy...

The boy loved dogs and wanted to be near every dog he saw.  Almost every day for a long, long time he asked for a dog of his own.

His mom liked dogs and wanted the boy to have a dog.  Both the boy and his mom tried to talk his dad into getting the boy a dog of his own.

The boy had an older sister.  She also liked dogs and offered to help care for the boy's dog if he were given one.

Because of special needs, his mom said a dog would be good for the boy.  "He feels like a kid who is not complete without a dog", she said.  His dad agreed.

His dad was curious about dogs and wondered why people who have dogs seem to love them so much.  He thought about getting the boy a dog of his own.

But his dad did not like dogs and did not want a dog in the house.

---

Finally, his dad decided that he loved the boy very much and he wanted him to have a dog of his very own.  His dad talked to his mom and they decided to visit some puppies.

One Saturday, near the boy's seventh birthday, the family took a drive to a farm where a puppy lived.  The boy fell in love with the puppy and his mom and sister liked him too.

The boy had two older brothers who had not wanted a dog.  But the brothers, especially the oldest, liked the puppy and also voted to bring him home.

His mom and dad wished the boy a happy birthday and told him he could have his very own dog.  The boy hugged the puppy and was very happy.

The farmer had called the puppy, Cecil.  The family brought the puppy home and tried to decide what they would call him.  "His name... is CECIL!", the boy said.  And so it was.

The puppy was a good puppy and worked hard to grow into a good dog.  He loved his humans and became a part of their family and always tried to please them.

The boy loved his dog and giggled when the dog covered him with kisses.  His sister kept her promise and helped take care of the boy's dog.

Because his sister spent so much time caring for the boy's dog, she and the dog became very close.  His sister loved the dog very much.

His dad, who did not like dogs and did not want a dog in the house, started to like being greeted by a wagging tail after work and took the dog on walks and sat with the dog in the evenings.

---

But, the boy sometimes scared the dog, because he was too excited by him.  The boy loved the dog and did not mean to scare him.

The dog was very patient with the boy, but sometimes the dog nipped at the boy when he was scared.  The dog loved the boy and was not trying to be mean.

His mom talked to his dad because she was afraid the boy or the dog would get hurt.  The boy could not understand how to be gentle with the small dog.

Even though he agreed that it might need to be done, his dad did not want to take the boy's very own dog from him, so he tried to see if time would make it better.

Finally, his dad decided it must be done and his dad and his mom started asking their friends if anyone wanted a dog of their very own.

The boy did not want his dog to leave.  He told his dad he would go get his dog back and he would even pay fifty-five dollars for him.  His dad was sad, but knew it must be done.

A retired couple had been looking for a dog of their very own and asked if the dog could come to visit.  The dog went to their house and they decided they never wanted him to leave.

This made the boy's sister very, very sad, because she loved the boy's dog very much.  His sister cried and cried when the boy's dog left, and his dad cried with the boy's sister because the dad hates making kids sad.

His dad visited the boy's dog a week later and the dog was very happy in his new home.  The dog's new humans told the family they could visit the boy's dog anytime they wanted, which made them happy.

His dad was sure that it was the right thing to do for the boy and his dog, and he was sure that the dog would live happily ever after.

But the doggone dog had gone and changed how the boy's dad thought about dogs...

For his dad... who did not like dogs and did not want a dog in the house... missed the dog and wished he had the dog in the house.

off track

While Saturday's outing at the Kiwanis Junior Olympics was a good day, I suspect it was a different kind of day for me than it was for a majority of parents.  It was so much more than just watching my kids compete in a few races.  Because of the delays and disabilities associated with Ben's IDIC 15, days like this can be very complex.

Benny spends a large part of his life somewhat in a protective bubble.  He attends a school specifically for children with developmental disabilities.  He rides busing exclusive to his school.  He takes numerous field trips with his school class.  In all of these contexts, he is understood and accepted.  When he attends Sunday School, he has a personal "buddy" who attends with him and looks out for him (a teenage girl who has made helping him in Sunday School her ministry).  And, other than that, he is mostly with a network of loving immediate and extended family members.

But, the Kiwanis Junior Olympics was NOT the Kiwanis Junior Special Olympics.  No... to let him participate in this was to throw him into the world of typical kids... and that's a little scary for this dad!  One thing that worries me in these contexts is the hidden nature of Ben's disabilities.  I think there is a tendency to be more accommodating to disabilities of a more visible nature.  But, visibly, Ben is assumed to be "typical".

When he found out that he was old enough to "run a race like Dylan and Zachary", he was really excited.  To deny him the opportunity would be the safe and protective thing, but it would have really disappointed him to watch his sister participate if he didn't get to.  So, the first question that had to be decided was whether or not he would be able to perform the tasks with little or no accommodation.

A week, or so, before the registration was due, we took him to "track practice"... just like Dylan and Zachary.  We went up to the school track on a Saturday evening and his older brothers were his coaches.  They explained starting, running through the finish line, staying in his lane... then we let him run some 25 and 50 meter sprints.  And... he did really good!  But, that was with five of us explaining, coaching, and helping... a benefit he would not have on the day of the olympics.  We felt, though, that he could handle it and signed him up.

Jen had class, so I took him to the event.  I debated disclosing his disabilities and asking if I could assist him, but no other parents would be on the track with their kids, and it may not have been well received.  Remember... hidden disabilities...

I decided to just let him jump into the big, bad typical world and I stayed off the track, just like all the other parents.  I did have the advantage of having his two older brothers working "inside" and some of their friends are acquainted with Benny, so I asked them to stick close when they could and look out for him... and maybe subtly ask some of their track teammates to do the same.

I have always been (and still am) a protective parent.  But, I don't think I'm in the category of "helicopter parent".  With Benny, though, that is debatable.  Saturday, I definitely approached it.  I stayed off the track and outside the fence when Benny was on the track, but I adjusted my position along the fence to mostly be in as close proximity to him as possible... allowing him to feel independent, but looking out for him.

It was a tough role.  Tough because of some of the things I witnessed that made my heart hurt for my son.

Fortunately, I think a lot of things go past Ben.  I'm not sure he absorbs all of the world around him.  At least not all the bad parts.  I  think he always expects good of people.  But, the world can be mean.  Kids can be mean.  Especially when they expect "typical" and they get a bit atypical.

A lot of typical seven year-olds do not make porpoise sounds.  But, my Benny makes the coolest porpoise sounds EVER!  It always makes me smile.  But reactions of other seven year-olds are not so endearing.  While waiting in the bullpen for his age group to race, he broke out in a chorus of porpoise sounds, to which another young man said, "you're stupid!"  I'm not sure if Benny registered it... I sure hope not.  But my heart broke.  In a fatherly way, I reminded the boy he shouldn't talk to other people like that... but I wanted to hang him by his toes until he could make porpoise noises as cool as Ben!

Ben is also not as spatially aware as most.  In another instance, he was waiting with a group of kids and spontaneously decided to do some leg stretches... like he's seen his older brothers do.  Without being aware of his surroundings, he suddenly crouched and threw a leg out behind him, tripping a boy that was walking nearby.  It looked a little deliberate, but I knew it was absolutely not.  The boy verbally challenged Benny... "Hey kid!  Why'd you trip me?"  I'm not even sure Ben knew that he did, and I'm not sure he registered that the kid was talking to him.  He just went about his business.  So... since I was "hovering" nearby, I helped out by telling the boy that it was an accident and telling Ben to apologize.... which he did, but I'm not sure he knew why.

Yet another instance I foresaw, but was not close enough to intervene.  They ran two heats of  the 50m in his age group.  They lined the first heat at the start, then lined up the second heat five or six feet behind the first, telling them to wait.  To my dismay, Ben was in the second heat.  I couldn't do anything, but I instantly knew that he would run with the first heat, because we explained to him to run as fast as he could when the gun fired.  Sure enough, the gun fired and off went heat one plus Benny.  An official chased him down and put him back in heat two and I feared that he would be confused and not run the second time.  Helicopter Dad was right... gun went off and he stood there because he didn't want to make a second mistake.  With a little prodding, he took off running as fast as he could.

I think all of these moments were harder on me than they were on him.  He appeared to be having a blast!  But, I can never tell how much of the world around him is impacting him, and I want to go ahead of him and smooth things out!

When it came time for the awards ceremony, I was, again, apprehensive for my son.  In every event, they gave medals for first through third places and ribbons for fourth through sixth places.  I wasn't sure whether he would win anything, and I wasn't sure if he would be crushed if he didn't or wouldn't really care.  I'm not a fan of participation trophies, at least not in the typical world... but I was really hoping my son would win something and I wasn't sure he would understand the whole concept of "not everyone can win".

I was pretty sure his best chance of winning a ribbon was the softball throw.  We signed him up for that because it is something he has been working on at physical therapy.  When they did the award, I had my camera at the ready and my fingers crossed.  Sixth... not Benny.  Fifth... not Benny.  Fourth... not Benny.  My daddy's heart hurt for my son, as I anticipated him working so hard and going home empty handed.  Third place medal goes to... Ben!  YES!  No ribbon, but he MEDALED!  I clapped.  I cheered.  I snapped a pic.

And, then I cried.

I'm not sure what the other parents thought, but I couldn't help it.  I sat in the stands and cried.  With some physical challenges... some mental challenges... some processing challenges... my son entered a contest of mostly typical kids to be like his big brothers... and he WON!

He also won a ribbon in one of his sprints.  Man, was that kid excited!  He couldn't see me wiping away tears because I was beaming at the same time.  About 8 or 10 times, he turned around to face me in the stands, held up his medal and ribbon and (with a huge smile) yelled, "I WON!"  Every time he did, I gave him a huge thumbs up and I wanted to stand up and tell the whole stands, "That's my boy... HE WON!"

Benny (center):  "I WON!"

I suspect for most parents it was just a fun outing for their kids to run a few races and maybe win an award.  For me, it was much more.  It was hard to witness some of the reactions of people who do not understand Benny.  And, it was really hard for this borderline helicopter special needs dad to stay "off track".  But, in this instance, the risk was worth it to see him overcome some challenges and proclaim to me (and the rest of the folks in the stands), "I WON!"

Yes, you won, Benny!  But, with or without ribbons and medals, you're always a winner to me!  And... if they gave medals for porpoise impressions... you're medal would be golden!  Love you kid!

on track

Interest in track for Dylan and Zachary was partly born out of the Kiwanis Junior Olympics, which is an event for 6 through 12 year-olds, sponsored by our local Kiwanis Club in conjunction with our school's track team.  It is a chance for the track team to host a meet for the younger crowd, and create an interest for the future members of the Jr. High and High School track teams.

Dylan and Zachary, Junior Olympics 2011

What started here is now currently wrapping up a season with several first and second place finishes, as well as some broken school records for both boys.  Also, what started here is now a chance to give back... by helping to host this past Saturday's Kiwanis Junior Olympics 2016.

It was a beautiful sunny May day and all four of my kids were on the track.  The older two were helping run events and encouraging the younger crowd with some high fives and other encouragement.  And, the younger two were competing in some of those events.

 

Zachary raking out the long jump pit

Dylan measuring the softball throw 

my 2 young track stars (it's usually Benny that is hard to get a good smile... this time it was Lily)

Lily - long jump

Benny - 25m

Benny - 25m

Benny - 3rd place medal for softball throw

Lily - 2nd place medal for long jump (medal placed by Zachary)

Benny (center): "I WON!"

Benny looked forward to "the race" for days... wanting to be just like his older brothers.  I love that my older boys run track and it's great that the Kiwanis Club hosts this event for the younger kids.  I miss a lot of the track meets, due to my work schedule, but it was a fun day to be "on track" with my family!