a room of her own

This old house that I call home was originally built as a three bedroom up.  Along the way, someone placed a two-story addition on the back, adding a family room down and a fourth bedroom up.  The downfall to this idea is that the hallway only accessed the original three bedrooms, making the third bedroom a walk-thru to get to the fourth.  My original intent was to use bedrooms three and four as a master suite, with the walk-thru being a sitting room/home office.

But... that was when there were two kids.

Along came FOUR kids and the plans had to change.

Lily ended up in the walk-thru, with eventual plans to modify the floor plan to include hallway access to all four bedrooms. This was a fairly sizable undertaking, because the room needed to be completely gutted, reframed, rewired, and drywalled.  When the boys room was gutted and remodeled, their layout changed slightly, which included one new wall with a closet for Lily's room phantom-framed about 18 inches behind her existing wall.

Standing in Lily's doorway, just prior to demo... the closed doorway beyond is the fourth bedroom.

These DIY projects always take longer than I anticipate and hope, and this was no exception.  Two and a half years ago, I moved Lily "temporarily" into the family room downstairs.  I took a few days off work that summer and the boys and I got a good start.

My demo crew, summer 2014

Graffiti fun... then let the demo begin!

Pieces of a room

Reframing the room and rerouting the hallway

Inside the room, looking to the hallway

The boys and I got enough done that week to get the new hallway functional.  Not done, but functional.  From there, things moved slowly.  I wired the new area myself, which was my first somewhat significant electrical project.  I pulled the proper permits and passed my inspections.  Then came insulation and drywall hanging.  I also did the drywall finishing, which was another slow process.  

The trouble with DIY projects and four  kids is that a lot of life happens that slows progress down.  Trying to balance working to support a family, spending time with that family before they grow up, and trying to get a major DIY project done is not easy.  

Inspections passed, getting ready for drywall

At about the one year mark, I put Lily's room project on hold to rebuild a porch with a poorly designed and leaking roof that began quickly deteriorating and needed to be addressed.  Though I contracted the majority of this project, I still did the design work, all the interior demo, and the stripping and salvaging of the original siding for reuse on the new project.  By the time I worked closely with the contractors to wrap this project up, months had been spent... months NOT working on Lily's room!

Before and after

I'm not proud of it, but quickly a year turned into two.  As the two year mark approached, I knew I had better git er done!  But, the aforementioned porch had weathered a year and needed to have the exterior buttoned up and all the wood acid washed and stained... another project that took several weeks of working around a job, four kids, and the weather.

When the porch was sealed from the elements, I stepped up efforts on Lily's room.  When asked what she wanted this past year for Christmas, she responded, "my new room!"  Uh-oh... yep it had been too long since she had moved into her "temporary" family room accommodations.  I did everything I could to make the deadline, but a few weeks before Christmas, I could tell I wasn't going to make it.  BUT... Lily's birthday was mid-January, and I was pretty sure I could make that.

With the exception of trimming the window, I got it all done and moved her belongings into her room the eve of her 12th birthday.  She spent the night with her grandparents and it was ready when she arrived home on her birthday.  

As usual, it took too long, but the home is now truly a four bedroom and Lily no longer lives in a walk-thru bedroom... she has a room of her own!

The "phantom" closet discovered

Happy Birthday, Lily!

another happy birthday

This is one of those short snippets of life that I never want to forget. 

I've mentioned before that my youngest, Benny (age 3 1/2), is developmentally delayed, and although growing, his verbal skills and vocabulary are behind most kids his age.  One big example is vocabulary to express emotions.  As previously written here and here, he knows what "I'm sad" feels like, but he communicates it, "I sorry".  He also knows what "I'm happy" feels like, but he communicates it, "happy birthday!"

This weekend, Jen was away with her Mom on a women's retreat with her Mom's church.  I was in charge... which means I put aside many of the projects that often distract me, and focused on just being a Dad a little more than I usually do. 

Saturday was unseasonably warm in northeast Ohio... like 70-degree-range-two-months-earlier-than-normal warm!  Saturday evening, I got the fire pit out of the shed and set it up for the first backyard fire of the season.  I was sitting around the fire with all the kids, with Benny cuddling on my lap (the ONLY safe place for Benny to be when a fire is burning!)

Benny looked up at me and sweetly asked, "Dad... this a happy birthday?"

Yes, Benny, not by the calendar, but the moment feels a lot like a happy birthday to me!

happy birthday!

There is a sidebar story to last weekend's events of moving into the new kitchen that I don't want to get lost in the busyness of life. 

Benny's language and vocabulary skills seem to be growing almost daily, which thrills us!  But, he is still obviously way behind a typical three year-old.  It is still often hard for us to understand a lot of what he tries to communicate, and it is often hard to understand what he understands.  It can be frustrating... for both him and us!

He is, however, very social.  He'll talk to you whether or not you understand, and he'll laugh at himself, even if nobody quite knows what is funny.  He's a real character. 

Occasionally, though, he communicates something pretty profound in a way you would never expect.  Just such a thing happened this past weekend.

Benny couldn't really tell us what he understood about the whole concept of waiting seven years to move into a part of the house that we had never before occupied.  He couldn't tell us what he understood about the feeling of finally having a fully functional kitchen, and a dining area and table big enough to accommodate six people.  He couldn't tell us what he understood about how much we all hated the cramped, dingy, drafty "temporary" kitchen we were moving out of.

But, he new something exciting was going on.  He knew the family was excited.  He knew he was excited about the open space to expand his toys into and explore.  He knew he was excited to finally have a place at the table with the family.  His expressions and his actions told us he was excited!  However, he wanted to tell us with words, just so there was no mistake that he was excited.

Pretty hard for a kid who knows what he wants to communicate, but doesn't have the words.  And, even though Benny experienced the feelings, he just didn't exactly have those words.

As Jen was getting him ready for bed last Saturday night (the night we opened the wall and ate our first meal in the new kitchen), he pointed down (his bedroom is over top of the new area) and repeatedly and excitedly said, "down... happy birthday!"  It took us a little while to figure it out, but he was telling us that in the limited vocabulary he has, the only words he could find to match the excitement of the evening was a good, heartfelt "happy birthday!"  The interpretation: "down[stairs] [is exciting like a] happy birthday!"

Since then, he has randomly, and on numerous occasions, walked into the kitchen and exclaimed, "happy birthday!" with a big smile on his face.  Yes, Benny Jay, it is exciting like a happy birthday!

three score and ten

My Dad recently celebrated his 70th birthday... twice.  Because of my Dad's cancer and chemo treatments, he has been left with a pretty weak immune system.  Therefore, we try to avoid being around him if we have any kind of an illness, even just a common cold.  It's pretty hard to get two sons, two daughters-in-law, and six grandchildren healthy and together at the same time.

We had a celebration planned for the weekend of his birthday, but part of my family was sick, so only my brother's family was there.  A few weeks later, my sister-in-law was out of town for a conference, and my brother brought his kids and his camper to my parent's house for an overnight backyard campout.  Since my family was healthy at the time, we turned it into a second birthday celebration.  I brought my tent and spent the night with my three older kids.

My Dad and I are alike in a lot of ways. Among them, is that we are both sentimental and emotional people. That's a nice way of saying we are crying men: weddings, births, funerals, Hallmark movies... we've been there, done that, have the hankie to prove it! And yet I (and I think Dad would feel the same) sometimes have a difficult time putting my emotions into words. I love my parents, but I hate buying cards and struggle to write a meaningful sentiment in them. I have no problem hugging my Dad's neck and telling him I love him, but I sometimes struggle to get any deeper, emotionally, than that. 

For some reason, though, my blog seems like a very comfortable medium to allow myself some vulnerability and emotional openness.  So, in honor of 70 years, here's a few things I appreciate about my Dad, that me and Father's Day and birthday cards struggle to express:

Two things I learned from my Dad are the value of hard work and family.

Raised a southern Ohio farm boy, my Dad is a worker and a fixer. He always has been and he always will be, though currently his age and health do not permit him to do as much as he would like. That doesn't keep him from trying, however, to the frustration of my Mom.

My Dad has held four different jobs his entire life. Four. I have had four in just the past three years! A high school graduate and a graduate of a technical school auto mechanics program, my Dad made a good living fixing things. He retired from a maintenance position, at the General Motors Corporation, just over a decade ago.  My Dad was well-liked by his co-workers and supervisors, and he believes in giving an employer a good day's work for a good day's pay.

One could assume that a hard worker translates to a workaholic. Au contraire. My Dad maintains the opinion that if the wages are relatively comfortable, 40 hours per week is enough to give to one's employer... the rest belongs to home and family.

At home, or with his family, is where he has always preferred to be. He is a hard worker around the house, and he especially loves working outdoors in the yard, or cutting firewood in the woods.  Growing up, he often expected my brother and I to pitch in and help.  I often balked at helping out, but now I appreciate him instilling a work ethic in me... one I am trying to pass on to my children... who often balk at helping out.

Dad has always been great at balancing work with play.  I can't ever remember a summer without at least one week, often two weeks, of vacation travel.  He coaxed my Mom to purchase a brand-new 1973 Four Seasons motorhome, and my brother and I grew up travelling and camping during the summers.  We visited a lot of neat places and my favorite childhood memories involve bicycles, campfires, family times and that 1973 motorhome.

I appreciate you, Dad!  Happy 70th birthday!

Here are photos from birthday weekend #2:

70 candles!

One big puff gets... 69 of 'em!

Happy Birthday Dad!

two Granddaughters sharing Grandpa's lap

And, here are a few photos (from Mom's camera, since I wasn't there) of birthday weekend #1:

Dad's favorite cake is my Mom's coffee cake.  You can see from the picture that he felt that 70 years entitled him to help himself to a pre-gathering sliver (snuck while Mom wasn't looking!) while the cake was still warm!

my niece and nephew

Dad's backyard fire pit

"I don' wannit"

I've said many times that Benny is a puzzle.  I love him to pieces, but I don't always "get" him.

Benny's limited (but growing) communication is very two-dimensional in a world that functions on three-dimensional communication. 

What do I mean by this?  Most people can tell you their preferences, then tell you why they have those preferences.  The "why" is the third dimension that gives shape to the basic two-dimensional fact.  It completes the picture and helps you understand what makes a person who they are and why they make some of the choices they do. 

While I don't think most three year-olds have a complete grasp of three-dimensional communication, it is a skill that is emerging.  The concept of the "five W's" (who? what? when? where? why?) are beginning to be understood receptively, and used expressively... everyone has probably been around a toddler who has continual questions, right?

Benny does not yet have a concept of the five W's... receptively nor expressively.  It's not that Benny doesn't ask questions, but he tends to learn language in "chunks".  At this point, language for Benny seems to be a series of one to four word chunks that he learns as a chunk and uses as a chunk.  The skill of mixing the chunks up to create other chunks is not really something with which he has much skill.  For example, Benny might say "hi", and pause for your response, and appropriately follow it by "how you doing?".  I don't think he really understands the individual words how, are, you and doing, but "how you doing?" is a chunk he has learned comes after the chunk "hi".  It sounds good, but he can't answer the question, "how are you doing?", which proves he doesn't really understand some of the language he uses.

I say this to convey a recent humorous Benny decision, for which we have no logical explanation.

Benny loves Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars.  For his birthday, he received a package of five cars and trucks.  He was thrilled.  He spent most of the evening lining all five of them up, rolling them across the table, or carrying them around.

A few days after his birthday, though, the baby blue 1959 Corvette was ostracized.  Benny distinctly decided he did not like, and did not want, the Corvette.  For no apparent reason, it was noticeably left behind.  Thinking it was just a mood or phase, Jen and I have returned it to him many, many times in the weeks since his birthday.  We'll often hand it to him and say something like, "here, you forgot one."  When he sees that it is the '59 Vette, he shoves it away and says, "I don' wannit."  Since making this decision, he has been 100% consistent.

I have never seen him make such a definite decision about disliking one particular toy, and I'd REALLY like to know why he has selected this one bright, shiny, new car to ostracize from his group of many cars.  However, any attempts to ask him "why?" just lead to a reaffirmation of, "I don' wannit!"  He'll play with just about any Matchbox-sized car he can get his hands on... whether it's his or one of his sibling's.  But, NOT this one:

the ostracized Corvette

So, if anyone has ever dreamed of owning a baby blue 1959 Corvette, Benny has one he'll sell you... really cheap!  We're not sure why... but one thing we DO know is that he "don' wannit!"

Benny is three!

Ever met a three year-old who didn't want to open birthday presents?  I don't think I had... until last evening.

To be fair, Benny does not yet really grasp the concept of birthdays.  Presents do not have a big "wow" factor for him, either, because he is a very literal kid... if he can't see what's in the package, he has little interest in its contents.

Let me turn the clock back from this photo and set the stage.  His birthday was a school day for him, so he had put in a full day there (about 8 AM to 4:30 PM, counting the bus ride each way).  I got home from work about 6:30, so his birthday events took place in the evening.  He LOVES to be outside, and we had all just finished up dinner and homework, and headed outside.  To Benny, this translates something like, "It's been a REALLY long day, but I FINALLY get to do what I want to do!", which, at that moment, was run around the driveway pushing his coupe car, and having a Nerf sword fight with his older brothers.

Don't interrupt me for something like birthday presents... can't you see I'm busy?

So... back to the presents.  Once Mama helped get the wrapping started and he caught a glimpse of the package of cars and trucks inside, his interest was piqued.  Of course, once he got the cars and trucks out of the package, we started the cycle over with no interest any any other presents.

"cars! truck! bus!"

Nope, not really interested in the learning toy... just give me the cars and trucks!

Five new cars and trucks... happy guy!

A bus, just like Benny rides!

Here's an ornery face!

There's the Benny smile!

Three candles for the birthday boy!

We're working on forks and spoons... he prefers hands.

Using the fork, taking a BIG bite!

Playing cars with Grandpa

Dylan is eleven!

Eleven years ago, today, my world changed forever.  I became a first-time Dad! 

Dylan doesn't like it when we say this, but he was a very pretty baby, with doll-baby lips.  Maybe we were just biased... everyone thinks their babies are beautiful.  See for yourself:

Dylan 6/00

We don't call him "pretty" anymore, but he's a handsome fella.  Each kid is different, and I love all mine, but today is Dylan's day, so let me brag on him a little.

Dylan is brilliant.  Really.  He loves to read, and reads well above his grade level.  And, not just fluffy fiction.  He loves good fiction, but it's not uncommon to find him reading a book about how something works, or a reference book on marine life, or whatever else catches his attention.  We live just 3 blocks from our town library, and kids are allowed in without a parent at age 10.  He recently purchased a bike lock so he can ride to the library and browse without worrying about his bike... if you earned frequent flier miles for trips to the library, he'd have some stored up!

He does very well in school.  In fact, this past year, he scored above the 95th percentile in all four areas of the Iowa Test for his grade level, earned straight A's the entire school year, and is excited about moving into advanced placement classes for the upcoming school year.  He gets teased and takes some heat from some of his less-achieving classmates, but he recently told me, "Dad, I'm lucky to be smart... I'd rather be smart than popular".  It's a shame he feels he has to choose one or the other, but I'm glad he lets it roll off his back and does his best.  He just completed his first year of middle school band (percussion/bells) and is looking forward to moving into the snare drum in 6th grade.

As Dylan grows and matures, he seems to be a good judge of character.  His closest friends, Tim and Jess (twin brothers), hang out at my house quite often, and they are good boys.  He had a few friends in earlier grades that I wasn't too crazy about, but over the past few years, he has naturally gravitated away from them and closer to ones that I favor.  He's a solid kid and tends to make solid decisions.

He's a good big brother to each of his siblings, and is very helpful with giving Jen a hand with Benjamin.  Though they are at opposite ends of the sibling group, and there is just over eight years between he and Benjamin, these two have always had a special bond, and Dylan is very patient with the little guy.

Dylan's first love is fishing.  Jen's Dad first introduced him to fishing.  Even if they aren't biting, Dylan is happy on a lake with a rod in his hand and a line in the water.  I've been avoiding it because I've never had any interest in it, but Dylan is one of my four favorite hobbies (the other three being Zachary, Lily, and Benjamin), so it looks like fishing needs to be added to my activity list.

At this point in his life, Dylan plans to attend college to become a mechanical engineer/inventor or a marine biologist, never get married, and travel with a small pickup and fishing boat.  With his intelligence, the career path would be no problem; I'm quite sure he'll own the boat; and, I've seen his sense of fashion... the never marry goal shouldn't be a problem, either!

Dylan isn't a big cake-eater, so, again this year, we took the family to the buffet at Ponderosa last evening for Dylan's birthday... kids eat free on Tuesday evenings!  All-you-can-eat fried chicken, Tabasco sauce, and sundae bar... Dylan was a happy guy!

Dylan 6/11

I didn't make them pose for this one... I just grabbed the camera before it disappeared!

Benny was having a rough evening... he loves crackers, so guess how we kept him happy?

Happy birthday, Dylan!  I'm lucky to be your Dad, and... you're my favorite Dylan in the whole world!

morning bikers

Since I worked a half day on Memorial Day/Zachary's birthday, I promised him we would do something (weather permitting) on my next day off.  He chose cycling at one of our local bikeways.  An added bonus was the presence of numerous geocaches, nicely spaced, along the route we intended to travel.

I loaded several cache coordinates into the GPS last night.  We got up fairly early this morning, filled some water bottles, loaded the bikes in the van, and packed some snacks, the camera and GPS, our helmets, and my "rolling office" (more on that later).  We were pedaling by 8:45, and the morning weather was absolutely perfect for a nice ride. 

Our first attempt to find a geocache was met with an onslaught of mosquitoes, mud, mosquitoes, standing water, mosquitoes, much weeds and poison ivy, and mosquitoes... mostly thanks to the weeks of relentless rain our area has received.  Our second attempt and third attempt met the same fate... caches found: 0,  mosquito bites: too numerous to score.  We quickly decided to abandon geocaching, and life was good as long as we kept moving and wisely chose our rest stops in the drier and open areas.

We didn't have an agenda or schedule, but just took our time riding and talking up and back the trail.  We stopped to look at both a turtle and a snake sunning themselves on the asphalt bikeway, and took a snack break at our turn-around point.

I told Zachary ahead of time that I would probably need to stop at some point and spend some time on the phone.  This is very unlike me.  I am not one to often have my cell phone in my ear, and I give my number to very few people, because I like carrying it without being bothered by it.  However, I showed a car and partially worked a deal with a customer yesterday.  We didn't quite complete negotiating, but the customer wanted to consider the car and the numbers overnight, and let me know "in the morning"... my day off.  For a commissioned salesperson, this creates a dilemma.  I can:

1. Work my day off to try to close the deal (hoping he actually calls like he says he will).
2. Share the deal (and the commission) with a salesperson who takes a different day off.
3. Give out my cell number and try to close the deal by proxy.

I very seldom choose the third option, but this time I did.  He seemed like a very solid customer, who would not abuse my cell phone number, and I felt that I had a strong possibility of putting the deal together.  The phone rang while we were riding, so I pulled the bike to the side, pulled out my pen and paper, and went into salesman mode.  He made an offer on the car and I spent some time on the phone, volleying offers and counter-offers between my customer and my manager back at the dealership.  In the end, we came to a stalemate $1000 apart... no car deal.  The interruption was fairly minor, and it gave Zachary a brief lesson in negotiation and a glimpse into the life of a car salesman.

Despite the brief trailside car deal attempt, we had a very enjoyable morning together and completed 14 miles of riding.  Happy Birthday (again), Zachary... love you, buddy!

the obligatory self-photography shot... we got a keeper on the first attempt!

Zachary is nine!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  One advantage of having four kids... more opportunities to eat birthday cake!  And, I got another such opportunity this evening.  It doesn't seem possible, but my Zachary is nine years old. 

the boy likes chocolate!

Grandma and Grandpa came over for some burgers and cake.

A couple of Dylan and Zachary's good buddies (twin brothers) live a few blocks around the corner, and they came over for some cake and ice cream.

I usually try to spend some time alone with my kids on or around their birthdays.  I worked a half day today, but I am supposed to be off Wednesday, so I think Zachary and I are going to plan an outing for part of the day.  Not sure, but it usually involves hiking or biking.

Nine? 

Boy, time sure flies when your kids are growing up!

Happy Birthday, Zachary!  You're my favorite Zachary in the whole world!

another year

Today was my birthday, and I took it as this week's day off.  It was a really great day for a birthday.  I slept a little later than usual, and had a leisurely morning.  After lunch, we went to the Akron Zoo for the afternoon... to get one last use out of our zoo pass before it expires.  Benny really enjoyed the afternoon... especially the "quack quack", the "gobble gobble", and feeding/petting the goats.  We left there, and found a few geocaches in Akron's historic Glendale Cemetery.  Then, dinner out and a little shopping, followed by a stop at a park on the way home to play and grab one last geocache find number... 43. 

Me and my Benny Jay

Checking out the penguins

Hanging out with my favorite people

In the eagle's nest

Benny feeding the goats... or cows... or dogs... he gets those confused sometimes

Lily feeding the goats

Birthday kiss?

Geocache find #43... on my 43rd birthday