stoker

I've been taking Benny biking with me nearly since he was big enough to sit up independently.  Back in the days when the two older boys were younger and would routinely go biking with me, I bought a trailer to tow behind my bike so that Ben could join us.  It will hold two, so I towed both Ben and Lily a few times, but Lily soon was able to ride her own bike.  I would often ride with either Dylan and Zachary, who at the time could manage 15-18 miles on our local bikeways; or I would go with Lily, who could manage 10-12 miles.  But, the constant was that Benny ALWAYS wanted to go.

As the kids have gotten older and their interests have changed, they rarely want to ride with dad.  But, Benny has never turned down an opportunity to go, so it has often been just the two of us.

Two favorite memories stand out from the bike trailer years.  The first is the trip that he insisted that "Monkey" go with us.  We strapped Benny and Monkey into the trailer and away we went.  He was chattering to Monkey for miles while I pedaled... good times!

A boy and his monkey enjoying a ride!

The second memory was a time that he took a few (I think about four) Hot Wheels cars to occupy him in the trailer.  After a while, as I was pedaling down the paved bikeway, I heard something go "tink, tink, tink..." on the asphalt behind me and fading away as I rode.  A few moments later, "tink, tink, tink..."  What is that sound?  "tink, tink, tink..."  After about the third time, I finally suspected that we may be leaving a trail of Hot Wheels as we rode.  I turned around and rode my backtrail a little way.  Sure enough, there they were.  There was a small gap at the back corners of the trailer fabric, and Benny was chucking Hot Wheels out the gap!  We managed to retrieve all the cars... I think!

But, we are reaching the time when Ben has to squish himself into the trailer to go with me.  For several months, I have been pondering an alternative.  I don't want to stop taking him.  He loves to go on adventures with dad and I like hanging out with him.

Barely fits!

With Ben's developmental disabilities, it took him a long time to get the hang of operating pedals.  But, once he finally got it, he really goes!  His balance and coordination, though, is such that I questioned whether riding a traditional two-wheeler was something he would ever be able to master.  At the very end of last season I took the training wheels off... just for curiosity.  To my amazement, he figured it out pretty quickly!  I was thrilled!  Still, it was a very rough start, and the riding season was over... so, in the shed went the bike.  This spring when I got the bikes back out of the shed, he picked up where he left off, and really surprised me.  After riding in circles for a while on the driveway, I decided to venture out onto our fairly quiet street.  We rode a bit back and forth, then to a nearby church parking lot, where he really cranked it up (he likes going fast!).  He's a bit wobbly and we REALLY need to work on brakes... he tries them, but often panic stops (or tries to) with the toes of his sneakers against the asphalt.

I'm very encouraged, though!  I questioned if he would ever be able to ride independently with me, but I can completely see it as a possibility... eventually.  I still think it will be a while before he has the safe skills and endurance to go a bit with me on the bikeways. But, someday...

As an alternative to the trailer, I had been considering a buddy bike... a single wheel bike that adds onto an adult bike, making it a three-wheeled tandem.  I had doubts that he would safely sit up straight and stay on the bike, though.  However, when he surprised me with his mad two-wheel skills, I knew I had to try the buddy system.  I started checking CraigsList for a used one, but they were all a little more than I wanted to "risk", not knowing if the option would work.

Then, late last week, one popped up locally that was just what I was looking for at the price I was hoping for.  It was just a few miles from where I work, but I was pretty sure it would not last until I went back to work on Tuesday.  I emailed them and made arrangements to go pick it up Saturday morning.  Ben was staying overnight with his grandparents Friday night, so I couldn't wait for him to get home to see it.

Attached, adjusted, and ready to go!

When Ben got home Saturday evening, he was very excited about his surprise!  We took it out for a few trial spins around the neighborhood and it seemed like it would work.

First trial ride

When we got home from church today, Ben wanted to go to the bike trail!  (And, so did I!)  We loaded everything up and headed out...

Bike and a half!

Ready to ride!

It was a neat experience.  We rode 14 miles together, with him saying "hello" and "hi there" to every passing cyclist.  He felt so cool with his biking upgrade!  It was a bit wobbly, at times, but I was able to compensate for his unsteadiness.  The rider on the back of a tandem arrangement is known as the "stoker"... and for the first mile, or so, he REALLY was.  He was pedaling hard and I could actually feel  the power of the stoker.  A few times I reminded him to go a little easier so he didn't wear out.  After about a mile, he discovered that we went just as fast if he coasted... and there was a lot of coasting going on after that!  I didn't mind.  The trail is flat and I am used to towing him.  Every once in a while he would pedal a bit, but towing him isn't too hard on level and it's a better work out for dad.  Even if he is not pedaling, it is still great exercise for him.  Since a characteristic of IDIC 15 is lack of muscle tone, the action of sitting up straight and maintaining balance on the tandem is great to build core strength.

And, pedaling or not, as long as I'm able to tow my "stoker" I love having him along!  I'm excited about the next phase of our biking together!

we're watched!

Nothing profound here... just a few wristwatches.

I've worn a watch since I was 8 or 10 years old, and I am lost without one.  Many folks now opt to rely on a cell phone for this function, but I still consider a watch essential.  Cool thing is... my three oldest kids think so, too.  They say they occasionally get harassed because watches aren't cool anymore, but the consensus among us is that being "watched" just makes sense!

Quad Timex... in need of synchronization!

hachoo! car

I love Benny-isms!

One that he has coined and popularized lately is the Hachoo! car.  He's obsessed with Hachoo! cars.  He talks about them daily... looks for them when we are driving... wants me to buy one... wants me to turn his pedal car into one.

What is a Hachoo! car?

You mean you don't know?

Well... a Hachoo! car is this:

Snot Rod, featured in the movie, Cars... the original Hachoo! car.

Still don't get it?  Maybe this YouTube clip will clear it up a bit:

(An aside, if you've never watched the original movie Cars, you really should... even if you don't have kids... it's a Pixar masterpiece!)

Did you see it?  "Snot Rod" is a sneezing American muscle car that hangs with a group of mischievous import tuner cars.  To Ben, he was the original Hachoo! car, but the term has now become associated with any muscle car with chrome engine parts and blowers protruding through the hood.  Yep... if it's got chrome through the hood... it's a Hachoo! car!

Sorry, Benny, but Dad buying a Hachoo! car is just not in the budget.  But, maybe we'll have to find some good car shows next summer?  Hachoo! cars everywhere!

In lieu of buying one, he has been after me to build him one.  He is convinced if we take the motor off my rototiller and mount it in the hood of his pedal car, it will go really fast!  (He'd also settle for his battery operated circular saw mounted on the hood for it's motor noise.)  That, son, is called a go-kart!  Maybe I should consider that... in a size that Dad can fit so I can get a lower budget Hachoo! car fix along with you!

Love this kid!

WWJD?

What Would Jesus... Drive?

Ben often sneaks a car in a pocket when he goes out the door.  I casually patted him down as I was putting his coat on to go to church this morning, and I thought we were car free.  He's slick, though, and evidently the white Porsche 911 went to Sunday School with him, as evidenced by the new "custom" look.  It's too detailed for Ben's handiwork, so I knew there was something more to the story on this one. 

I asked Ben where the stickers came from.  

His response: "My teacher helped... it's the Jesus car."

I'm not sure Jesus would drive an older blinged-out Porsche 911 with a gold cross on the hood and gold star-shaped rims, but I love anything that has Ben talking about Jesus!  And, I love that the folks in his Sunday School class take the time and energy to meet Ben where he is and introduce Jesus in ways that may be just a little bit out of the box.

So... Jesus car, it is!

the ride 2015

With the summer schedule filling fast, a stellar weekend forecast, and an extra day this weekend for Dad to recuperate... we decided this was our opportunity for The Ride 2015.  This was Dylan's and my third annual Trumbull/Ashtabula county Greenway Bike Trail ride (round trip between Champion, Ohio and Ashtabula, Ohio) and we were plus-one this year, making it Zachary's first trip.

We left a few minutes after noon on Saturday.  The weather was sunshine and lower 70's.  It was a fabulous day to ride and Zachary settled right into Dylan's and my typical pace.

My in-laws picked up an older child's bike trailer on Craig's List.  I removed the torn top and it became this cargo trailer for Dylan to help tow some gear.

Heading up the trail!

Lunch stop

The boys of Track and Field were in good shape for The Ride, having just completed their seasons.

I love adventures with my boys!

Reaching the northern end, Ashtabula, Ohio.  We rode the 45 miles in a little under 6 hours.

$21.35 was the bill to refuel at the Ashtabula Taco Bell!

8:30... is that too early to go to bed?  Remember that $21.35 at Taco Bell?  That provided enough farts to more than fill our 6' x 6' nylon shelter!

Heading home!

We logged a total of 90 round trip miles safely ridden with no mechanical issues.  We encountered numerous forms of wildlife, not the least of which was the recent high school grads dancing on top of their car in the Taco Bell parking lot.  We had some laughs and made some memories... and this sit-behind-a-desk-and-getting-another-year-older-in-a-few-days Dad's legs are TIRED!  But, I won't have these opportunities much longer... they are growing up fast!

So, while I can and they are willing... let's ride!

whale shoes

Ben's language often goes through growth spurts.  Lately he has been putting more words together to make longer sentences.  And, if he doesn't quite have the right words, he gets creative with expression.  Sometimes, though, his logic takes a bit of interpreting.

Jen has been going through some totes of clothes from storage, getting out summer clothes and the next sizes for those who have outgrown their wardrobe.  She dug out a few pairs of shoes for Ben and among them were these shiny black dress shoes.

Later that day, he was asking to wear his "whale shoes". Whale shoes?  We had no idea what whale shoes are.  Finally, Jen asked him if he could show her his whale shoes. 

He took her upstairs and grabbed the shiny black shoes.  "See my whale shoes?"

Then, it all made sense.  They are black and shiny... like a wet Shamu! 

Blurry, 'cause he rarely stops moving, but Benny ready for church, sporting his "whale shoes"! 

a little song-ger

This is another one of those snapshots of life with Ben that I want to preserve.  Jen captured this video of Ben a few days ago.  Typical of Ben, he makes us smile or laugh on nearly a daily basis!

 

I heard it

Benny makes no bones about it... he's a Mama's boy. 

It never gets easier, but I have grown somewhat used to him preferring Jen over me, even to the point of often trying to love on him and hearing him tell me, "No, get outta here, Dad!"  I now know that IDIC 15 probably has something to do with that, but it still hurts, just the same.

Jen was gone for about 24 hours this weekend on a girl's night out with some friends, so Dad was running the home front.  This has happened on numerous occasions, but this is the first time that Benny hardly even asked about, or talked about, Mama.  Not that I don't want them to be close, but it was kind of nice to not feel like second-- or third-- best to Benny this weekend. 

We all watched a movie in the evening, and Benny actually snuggled up to me.  ME!  He will often choose Dylan as his backup when Jen is not here to snuggle with... but, he chose Dad.  What an honor.  I cherished the moment and even let him stay up longer than I normally would have, soaking up every last bit of it. 

And, then it was off to bed, with no fuss and no crying for Mama.

But, the coup de grâce occurred early this morning.  He awoke a little ahead of the Sunday morning church alarm and came to my bedroom, as is often his custom.  I invited him into my cozy bed to snuggle and he crawled under the covers and wrapped his arms around my neck and the conversation went like this:

       Me:  "I love you, Ben!"
       Ben:  "I love you too, Dad!"
       Me:  "You're my favorite Ben in the whole world!"
       Ben:  "You're my favorite Dad!"

Now, it may not seem like much to you, but, since they were small, I have made a habit of telling all my kids "You are my favorite [insert name] in the whole world".  And, they have all said it back to me (when they were little, anyway... not so much as they get older, but I still tell them.)

I have never heard Benny say it... until today! 

We may soon be back to "No, get outta here, Dad!", but, for today, I heard it... "You're my favorite Dad!"

"knobby" tire

I went to grab a plastic container for my lunch from the lower of these two drawers the other morning.  I got a slight surprise when I grabbed the knob... or, the "knobby" tire.  Yep, Ben was here!  The boy loves tires, and if they can be removed, they ARE removed.  But, in this case, he decided to repurpose one for extra grip!  I love finding these random signs that Ben was here.  Nobody witnessed him do this, but I'm sure it required great concentration.  It was probably one of those rare quiet moments.  His occupational therapist would be proud, and it is just another Benny moment that I want to preserve and remember!

takin' care a me

Dylan had a Christmas band concert Wednesday evening. Our typical routine for band concerts is for one parent to take Dylan to the school at the report time (usually 30 minutes before start) and reserve seats for the rest of the family, who then show up with parent number two just moments before concert start. This is mostly for the sake of Ben, since his best behaviour would be used up during the half hour wait, if we all were to arrive together. 

On Wednesday evening, I was parent number two. Unbeknownst to me, the evening included junior high and high school band and choir participating in the concert in the auditorium, while a simultaneous junior high basketball game was in progress in the gym. Ergo, the parking lot was filled upon my arrival. I had to park at the elementary school and hike across campus to the junior high building. I didn't factor that into my arrival time.

In order to make up the hike time, I decided to carry the often-distracted Benny most of the way. Although Benny seems younger than five years old, he is, in fact, five years old. A little big to be carried, but he doesn't necessarily realize that.

I was hoofing pretty briskly across the elementary parking lot with 42 pounds of Benny facing me and clinging to my neck, with Lily trying to keep up.  We passed another family of three moving a little slower.  As we moved slightly ahead of them, Benny, who knows no strangers, leaned around me, evidently enjoying being carried by his Daddy, and broke the parking lot silence with a bold conversation attempt with the family of three by announcing, "Daddy takin' care a me!".  They offered no response back to Ben and we continued hoofing for the Jr. High building.  Ben, as though I was not a part of the original conversation attempt, moved back to face me and said, in a more private voice, "Daddy, I said, 'Daddy takin' care a me!'"

Smiling, falling in love with the kid all over again... "Yes, Ben, Daddy is taking care of you!" 

dad's memories

I recently added a new blog subject label* entitled "Dad's memories".  There are times in the lives of my kids, especially in their younger years, when they did or said something that made me smile, laugh, or that I find just plain cute.  Sadly, many, if not most, of these are forgotten.  Once in a while we may be reminded by stumbling across a certain photograph.  Or, perhaps it is something that is said or done frequently enough that it becomes a permanent family memory.  Mostly, though, they are just a moment in time, forgotten if not somehow preserved.  Some of them become facebook posts, but facebook, too, is somewhat forgetful of last week's statuses in favor of the latest, freshest newsfeed posts.

*If you pay any attention to the subject labels on my blog posts, you may notice that they are not just random labels. I try to keep the number of subject labels somewhat to a minimum, and I try to make the majority of the labels recurring themes in my blog. If you've never paid attention to them, notice that the subjects are all listed in the sidebar with the number of posts in each particular label. If you click a subject label of interest, the blog screen will display every post written with that subject label.

I'm pretty sure that blogs are better preservers of such moments... if the blogger takes the time to record them.  And, that is the thought behind "Dad's memories".  Some lengthy posts may be recorded under the "Dad's memories" label, but many have been, and will be, just short snapshot posts of a memory to preserve, scattered among other blog content... a photo with caption here, a few paragraphs there.  They are some of the moments in life that I never want to forget, but I will unless I am intentional in capturing them.

 

I'm finding many of these "snapshot moments" as I learn to parent a child with developmental disabilities. As parents, we often wish our kids would grow up, then mourn that they are growing up too fast.  Parenting a child with developmental disabilities tends to extend the childhood years and slow the pace of growing up. This can be both frustrating and beautiful. I try to focus on the beautiful as much as possible, and Benny brings joy to my life on a daily basis.  

If you have not walked a mile, or two, in the shoes of a parent of a child with developmental disabilities, you may not fully understand the myriad of emotions that are associated. Many of these "snapshot moments" with Benny are bittersweet. They are sweet because they make me (and others) smile or laugh. They make me fall in love with this boy all over again. They make me love his innocence, naivety and his sweet spirit. Yet they also make me grieve for him. I grieve because he does not always understand the world around him and that the world is full of wolves that would take advantage of and exploit his naivety. I know that he is likely destined to experience some hardship from others for the very same things that I love about him.  I want to protect him from all of that... but I won't always be able to.

I hesitate to publish some aspects of Benny publicly, for fear that the wrong people may read it, or that those who read may not understand, or that he will not appreciate it when he someday may read it for himself. Yet, when the hard days and the mean people come to try to shatter his innocence and take away his naivety... when the world tries to make him afraid to trust and engage his whole world, stranger or not, I want a record preserved of Benny's childhood and some of the small moments his Daddy celebrated him, and the moments he, sometimes unknowingly, brought joy into my life. I can't imagine my life without this kid and these daily moments of happiness. 

I love you Benny, and I thank you for giving me much inspiration for "Dad's memories"! 

Chris-a-Mis!

"Ho Ho Ho!  I want some Chris-a-Mis!" 

overall logic

Benny's creative communication logic is sometimes a little difficult to follow.  But, I love that he loves to communicate, and that he is often not daunted if he does not know exactly the right words. 

We got our first significant snowfall of the season Tuesday night and into Wednesday morning.  All the kids were home on Wednesday to start the Thanksgiving break.  Anyone who knows Benny knows that he is a major outdoor lover. It is never really too hot or too cold. He just likes to be outdoors.  So, he was very excited when Jen sent Lily upstairs to get dressed in her snow gear. 

He excitedly asked Jen, "you find my farmers, Mom?"

"Farmers?", Jen asked.

He persisted, "you find my farmers, Mom?"

She didn't figure out what his "farmers" were until she pulled out some snow pants (that he had not seen since last winter) to get him dressed.

"My farmers!"

He was very excited about his "farmers" because, to him, they represented the key to getting outside in the snow.

So, for a priceless glimpse into the mind of Benny, here is what we figured out to be the logic behind his "farmers":

Do you see his overall logic? 

seriously!

One of my current favorite Benny-isms:  "Daddy... laugh, seriously!"

Laugh, seriously? 

At first glance, this would seem like a classic oxymoron... or is it?

I'm not sure where or how Ben added "seriously" to his vocabulary, but he latched onto it somewhere.  Whether he understands its meaning is debatable... likely not, I suspect.  This sentence is really the only place I have ever heard him use it.

Following this sentence is an artificial Benny belly laugh, modelling what he wants me to do.  He will repeat the sentence and the artificial belly laugh as long as it takes for me to imitate the artificial belly laugh... not just once, but multiple times.

Inevitably, at some point during this repeated exchange of requesting me to "laugh, seriously", artificially modelling it, and my artificial imitation, the artificial belly laugh turns into... well... serious laughter.

Oxymoron?  I think not.  There it is... we are laughing, seriously.

Benny most likely has no idea how profound his apparent oxymoron really is, but he knows he seriously likes to laugh.  And, I think he seriously likes to laugh with people around him.  And, in his innocence, he has a tendency to make people everywhere "laugh, seriously".

Thanks for the laughs Benny!  I love that about you... seriously!

backpacking fun, minus one

Zachary and I headed to Pennsylvania this weekend for our third annual fall backpack outing.  We were down a man this year, due to Dylan's social calender.  I admit, I was a bit reluctant to plan and pack, since we couldn't all go, but Zachary asked me a few times if we were going and was very enthusiastic about it.  So, knowing his social calender may resemble Dylan's in a few years, I knew I would be a fool to sit on my lazy backside at home!

I just planned a one night trip this year.  The shelter area in which we usually sleep on Friday night is prone to partying, due to the fact that it is only about a mile into the park and about 100 yards from a group camp parking area.  I decided to avoid the possibility of "camping" with a rowdy crowd that drives up and unloads coolers, lawn chairs and firewood after the rangers stop patrolling.  Yep, we've bumped into them there before, and it was not a good experience!

Saturday, we hiked from the main park office to the Pioneer shelter area, about 5-6 miles

Sunday, we hiked a different route back to our car, about 3-4 miles

 

I didn't take my GPS with us, but I estimate that we hiked a total of about 9 miles this year.  The dynamics were different with just the two of us, but it was a great time of memory-making and quality father/son time... something not to be taken lightly!  Here are some photo highlights:

 

The obligatory "heading out" photos.  Zach's pack weighed about 21 pounds, and mine about 29.

Photo op at mineral springs

Zachary... NOT on the trail!  (No hiking trails were urinated on in the making of this photo!)

Our usual lunch spot

The view from the "lunch bench"

Zachary hiking in the "web cleaner" position

This guy is the world's most famous hiker... he appears on signs everywhere!  I caught up with him this weekend and walked a bit in his bootsteps.  Who knows... maybe when he retires...

This park has equestrian trails, but the horses are NOT allowed in the shelter areas.  So, you can imagine our surprise when we hiked up to our shelter and found a horse in it!  (No horses were harmed in the making of this photo!)

Room with a view!

Practicing our best scary flashlight faces

 

As we were hanging out at the campsite Friday evening, several times we commented about wishing Dylan could have been with us.  And, although he sometimes makes life stressful, Zachary and I both commented throughout Friday night that we missed our Benny and wondered what antics he was up to back home.  There is not a ton to do in a backpack shelter after the sun goes down.  When we got bored with scary flashlight faces, we layed in our sleeping bags and talked into the night until one of us dozed off... most likely me, since I don't remember!

 

Sunday morning, we got up and ate our oatmeal and pop-tarts for breakfast, then goofed off a bit before packing up and heading back out on the trail.  Although we did not get it on video, I performed a wonderful puppet show to the amusement of Zachary... a Ylvis spoof I titled "What do the Socks Say?".  Had we captured it on video, I'm certain it would have gone viral, as did their recent music video!  Ehhh, OK... maybe not.

 

We packed up our newly acquired horse for the return trip

Leaving our favorite Pioneer Shelter #5

And, we finished the trip off with our obligatory Taco Bell stop!

 

Thanks, Zachary, for nudging me to get the packs out and get into the woods!  I had a great time!  Same time next year, buddy?