ten piece bucket

Some dads try to live vicariously through their children's sports lives.  Me?  I'm a band Dad!  I wish I would have learned to play an instrument when I was a kid, so when both of my oldest sons expressed an interest in joining the school band, I made sure to nudge them in that direction.

Dylan has been pursuing percussion since the fifth grade.  Now, in the eighth grade, he just completed his second football season as a member of the marching band drum line.  He is currently primarily on the snare drum for marching band, but plays various percussion instruments for concert band.

Zachary is in his second year of middle school band, playing the trumpet.  Next year, he will move to Junior High and start his first year in the marching band brass section.  Zachary seems to have a very natural ear for music, and often sits down at Jen's electric piano and picks tunes out.

For about a year, now, Dylan has been wanting a drum set.  He asked for one for Christmas this year, but I don't think he was very confident that he would get it.  Drum sets are not cheap, and it was more than we typically spend for Christmas, but I originally considered finding him a good used set.  Knowing nothing about drums, finding a "good used set" seemed overwhelming.  Not only that, Our home is not huge and there are six of us... a drum set takes considerable real estate.  I wanted to provide him an opportunity to further his love of percussion, but there were obstacles.

Enter the Pearl Rhythm Traveller.

Dylan loves Pearl drums.  And, it just so happens, as I researched drum sets, that Pearl makes the Rhythm Traveller... a drum set that is more compact for tight spaces and for ease of transporting to gigs.  It also comes with optional mesh practice heads, that are almost silent!  After reading many reviews, and finding them mostly positive, I had found my son's first drum set.  I asked both sets of grandparents if they were interested in throwing in with Jen and I on the cost, and they loved the idea (as long as the noise was in MY house!)

I got a good Black Friday deal online and had the set shipped to an accomplice neighbor's house.  Dylan was quite surprised on Christmas morning.
 

Some assembly required! 

 

Assembled with the real (noisy) heads in place... rock on, Dylan!

 

Dylan has been concocting a band idea with a couple of his musical friends, Noah and Joci.  Noah plays guitar and Joci plays drums or bass guitar.  The plan was for Dylan to be the drummer... if he had a drum set.  His future in the concept band hinged on Christmas!

 

Not wanting to be left out, Zachary tried to convince them that they needed a trumpet in the band.  Dylan was not convinced.  He then decided he'd like to get his hands on an electric guitar and see if he could teach himself enough to be a guitarist.

 

Jen's Mom caught wind of that and surprised Zachary with a used starter electric guitar and amp for Christmas.  Now, he has a shot at being a band member!

 

 Surprised... as was I!  I knew I was going to have the noise of drums in my home... now an electric guitar, too!

 

So, now the band (or the concept of the band, at this point) has a drummer, a guitarist, a bass guitarist and a potential future additional guitarist... and a tentative name.

 

The frontrunner for the band name is... Ten Piece Bucket.  I think it is a great name, and I asked Dylan where they came up with that.  He said, "If we ever get the band together and actually get a gig, we'll all feel like a bunch of chickens on stage."

 

I love the creativity of kids and music, and I love hearing (well, I think I love hearing... ask me in a few months) them trying to put their music knowledge together and challenging themselves to push further.

 

We'll see what becomes of "Ten Piece Bucket".  But, if they get it off the ground and make something of it, just remember that a big part of Ten Piece Bucket happened in a bedroom of my home... the bedroom right above my couch!  (Where are the earplugs?)

takin' care a me

Dylan had a Christmas band concert Wednesday evening. Our typical routine for band concerts is for one parent to take Dylan to the school at the report time (usually 30 minutes before start) and reserve seats for the rest of the family, who then show up with parent number two just moments before concert start. This is mostly for the sake of Ben, since his best behaviour would be used up during the half hour wait, if we all were to arrive together. 

On Wednesday evening, I was parent number two. Unbeknownst to me, the evening included junior high and high school band and choir participating in the concert in the auditorium, while a simultaneous junior high basketball game was in progress in the gym. Ergo, the parking lot was filled upon my arrival. I had to park at the elementary school and hike across campus to the junior high building. I didn't factor that into my arrival time.

In order to make up the hike time, I decided to carry the often-distracted Benny most of the way. Although Benny seems younger than five years old, he is, in fact, five years old. A little big to be carried, but he doesn't necessarily realize that.

I was hoofing pretty briskly across the elementary parking lot with 42 pounds of Benny facing me and clinging to my neck, with Lily trying to keep up.  We passed another family of three moving a little slower.  As we moved slightly ahead of them, Benny, who knows no strangers, leaned around me, evidently enjoying being carried by his Daddy, and broke the parking lot silence with a bold conversation attempt with the family of three by announcing, "Daddy takin' care a me!".  They offered no response back to Ben and we continued hoofing for the Jr. High building.  Ben, as though I was not a part of the original conversation attempt, moved back to face me and said, in a more private voice, "Daddy, I said, 'Daddy takin' care a me!'"

Smiling, falling in love with the kid all over again... "Yes, Ben, Daddy is taking care of you!" 

dad's memories

I recently added a new blog subject label* entitled "Dad's memories".  There are times in the lives of my kids, especially in their younger years, when they did or said something that made me smile, laugh, or that I find just plain cute.  Sadly, many, if not most, of these are forgotten.  Once in a while we may be reminded by stumbling across a certain photograph.  Or, perhaps it is something that is said or done frequently enough that it becomes a permanent family memory.  Mostly, though, they are just a moment in time, forgotten if not somehow preserved.  Some of them become facebook posts, but facebook, too, is somewhat forgetful of last week's statuses in favor of the latest, freshest newsfeed posts.

*If you pay any attention to the subject labels on my blog posts, you may notice that they are not just random labels. I try to keep the number of subject labels somewhat to a minimum, and I try to make the majority of the labels recurring themes in my blog. If you've never paid attention to them, notice that the subjects are all listed in the sidebar with the number of posts in each particular label. If you click a subject label of interest, the blog screen will display every post written with that subject label.

I'm pretty sure that blogs are better preservers of such moments... if the blogger takes the time to record them.  And, that is the thought behind "Dad's memories".  Some lengthy posts may be recorded under the "Dad's memories" label, but many have been, and will be, just short snapshot posts of a memory to preserve, scattered among other blog content... a photo with caption here, a few paragraphs there.  They are some of the moments in life that I never want to forget, but I will unless I am intentional in capturing them.

 

I'm finding many of these "snapshot moments" as I learn to parent a child with developmental disabilities. As parents, we often wish our kids would grow up, then mourn that they are growing up too fast.  Parenting a child with developmental disabilities tends to extend the childhood years and slow the pace of growing up. This can be both frustrating and beautiful. I try to focus on the beautiful as much as possible, and Benny brings joy to my life on a daily basis.  

If you have not walked a mile, or two, in the shoes of a parent of a child with developmental disabilities, you may not fully understand the myriad of emotions that are associated. Many of these "snapshot moments" with Benny are bittersweet. They are sweet because they make me (and others) smile or laugh. They make me fall in love with this boy all over again. They make me love his innocence, naivety and his sweet spirit. Yet they also make me grieve for him. I grieve because he does not always understand the world around him and that the world is full of wolves that would take advantage of and exploit his naivety. I know that he is likely destined to experience some hardship from others for the very same things that I love about him.  I want to protect him from all of that... but I won't always be able to.

I hesitate to publish some aspects of Benny publicly, for fear that the wrong people may read it, or that those who read may not understand, or that he will not appreciate it when he someday may read it for himself. Yet, when the hard days and the mean people come to try to shatter his innocence and take away his naivety... when the world tries to make him afraid to trust and engage his whole world, stranger or not, I want a record preserved of Benny's childhood and some of the small moments his Daddy celebrated him, and the moments he, sometimes unknowingly, brought joy into my life. I can't imagine my life without this kid and these daily moments of happiness. 

I love you Benny, and I thank you for giving me much inspiration for "Dad's memories"! 

Chris-a-Mis!

"Ho Ho Ho!  I want some Chris-a-Mis!" 

cheer pressure

If you were to ask, my family might say I sometimes rant too much.  I mostly agree... after I am done ranting.  It is often a case of opening the mouth before engaging the brain.  Sometimes it is not necessarily what is said, but how it is said and how much is said.

The beauty of writing, though, is that, unlike speaking, you can lay it out and then edit it or take it back before you actually put it out there.  Therefore, my blog is rarely, if ever, used as a platform for ranting.

However...

I feel a rant coming on!

---

Holiday peer pressure.  You know what I am talking about, right?  Those holiday things you do because everyone else is doing them, or they are expected of you, or you fear what others will think if you are the only one not doing them.

Or, maybe... just maybe... you do them because you feel they are important for your good standing in your employment or other positions you hold.

WHAT?  That's not really happening... is it?

Oh yes... holiday peer pressure is real.

And, I don't like it.

Recently, my supervisor emailed everyone in my unit of twelve employees, requesting 2-3 things we wanted for the ten dollar limit "Secret Santa" gift exchange at our attendance-expected holiday outing.  The email included no optional language, such as "if you wish to participate...", or "for those participating in...".  Nope, just send me your reply by the end of the day. 

Now, I can claim no religious or other legitimate opposition or offense to such gift exchanges.  I just don't like them.  I am not sure I need to elaborate the reasons here.  Plain and simple... I just don't like them.

I'll even go one further.  As an introvert, I don't like office holiday outings and company Christmas parties, either.  (With the exception of one particular employer... you know who you are!)

Yet, nobody seems to care if I enjoy these things.  Either a supervisor plans them because they feel pressured to do so, or an office extrovert plans them thinking everyone is a bubbly socializer like themselves.  And, once they are planned and organized, there seems to be some unwritten rule that all should participate and do so enthusiastically and effortlessly.

The pressures are not always work-related, either.  Holiday peer pressure comes in many forms and from varying sources... family, church, clubs, schools, neighbors... wow, can the holidays ever get jam-packed full of busy "obligations", or what?

A number of years ago, I realized that I was very frustrated with the Christmas season.  I know a lot of the childhood magic of Christmas is harder to find and maintain when you transition to the role of making it magical for someone else's childhood... but, still, it should be fun.  So, I decided to make a conscious attempt to simplify the season and eliminate some things.  Some eliminated things were not necessarily unwanted things, but perhaps just not convenient, or required too many trips over the river and through the woods.  Others just didn't help make my days merry and bright.  While, still others, flat out nauseate me, Mr. Grinch, with a nauseaus super-naus!  I tried, as much as possible, to look at why I was participating in some things, and decided to man up to some holiday pressure.  I decided to do the things I did at Christmastime more because I wanted to, and less because I felt pressured to.

It's not always easy being the odd one.  I'm midway through my fourth decade.  Shouldn't I be done with peer pressure by now?  Yet, when the whole office is emailing their 3 things for the gift exchange (whether they truly want to, or not), it's not easy to tell the boss "I don't really do gift exchanges... I'd rather just sit it out."  Yeah, I'll probably be the only one (she reminded me), but, I'm a big boy... it is a relief to not have hanging over my head, "what am I gonna buy for the gift exchange?" and, "when am I gonna make time to stop at the store?" and, "shoot, gift exchange is tomorrow and I didn't wrap my dang gift yet." The relief far outweighs the slight discomfort of watching everyone else unwrap a $10 gift while I have none.

It might seem odd to many (yet, I am sure there are many others, who, possibly secretly, totally resonate with this post), but my decision not to participate actually makes my season merrier.  And, as luck would have it, the holiday outing is scheduled for an afternoon during which I had already scheduled a week off... so I am not even attending said holiday outing!  The introvert wins!

Will it affect my employment standing to be true to myself?

It may.

Should it affect my employment standing to be true to myself?

I know what my answer is.  I'll go so far as to say I'm pretty sure I know what the right answer is, but... you decide!