are you a bully?

I'm noticing a trend.

I might be guilty of it, too, I'm not sure.  I hope not.  If I have been, I'm going to make more effort to avoid it in the future.

The trend? 

I'll call it, "socially acceptable cyberbullying".

With the use of social media (facebook being the avenue I am most familiar with), it is really easy to post and forward pictures and videos of complete strangers, with the sole purpose of publicly having a laugh at their expense, or making ourselves look good by putting them down; usually encouraging and generating a lengthy brouhaha of comments within our circle of friends.

But, doesn't this look virtually (pun intended) a lot like standard, run-of-the-mill bullying?  I am a father to three school-aged children, two of which have been the victims of some degree of bullying.  Like many parents, I don't stand for that.  It is not socially acceptable, or acceptable in any way, to bully my children!  How dare these weak kids laugh amongst their bully friends at my kid's expense, or make themselves look strong by exploiting my kid's perceived weaknesses! 

(The crowd rises to applause!)

But, don't we do something very similar when we publicly grab a stranger out of context and throw them out there on facebook to yuck it up with our friends?

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not against having fun on facebook.  And, I'm not a prude that can't have some virtual laughs with my friends.  But, there is a difference between people who deliberately put themselves out there to be laughed at and those who do not (often times not even on the internet by their own choice).

Is it okay because they are strangers?  Is it okay because it is virtual?

I'm not so sure.

Maybe I am more sensitive to this because I am a father of a special needs son.  My son, at age five, does not always conform to all things socially acceptable.  He is not always socially appropriate.  But, he's five and it's kinda cute.  I love him dearly, so it is endearing to me and most of my friends.

Yet, I sometimes notice that he draws some public attention.  People that don't know him sometimes give second looks... sometimes disapproving looks.  It is minor at this age and I think he is oblivious to it.  But, I anticipate that as he gets older, it may become a bigger deal.  We are considering school options for him and one of my BIG fears is bullying.  He is naive, trusting and has virtually no street smarts, making him a prime target for bullying. 

This is one of the things I love about him.  He is the most genuine person I know.  He cares not about what anyone thinks of him... he is just true to who he is.  It is a beautiful innocence.  Yet, it makes him a BIG target for bullies.  It really scares this daddy!

And, the fact is that genetic abnormalities never go away.  There is no cure.  No fix.  He will deal with this for life.

I have high hopes for him.  Hopes for independence and productivity.  Yet, realistically, I know he will always struggle to some degree in ways that most of us will not.

And... what if some day in the future, someone randomly captures him on their iPhone doing something socially inappropriate?  What if that someone posts it to their YouTube account?  What if several other someones then post it to their facebook pages and yuck it up with a brouhaha of comments with their friends about my son?

Well... I'll tell you what... it would hurt, that's what.

Yes, it would kill this father's heart.

He's my son!  It's not okay to bully my son.  It is not okay if you don't actually know him.  It is not okay if your friends don't know him.  It is not okay if you are doing it virtually and not to his face.  It is not okay if he does not know or understand he is being bullied.

It is not okay to bully my son in any way.

Yet, don't we often do this to others? 

When someone captures a random video of a stranger and posts it publicly, then it is laughed at and ridiculed publicly, is it okay if they are a stranger?  Is it okay if it is virtual and not live?

They are a person.  A living, breathing person with feelings and emotions.  And, most of those yucking it up don't know the back story.  Maybe they just had a stupid moment that was captured.  We've all done things we wouldn't want captured.  We've all said, "Glad nobody was watching that!"  Or, maybe, like my son, there is more to the back story than meets the eye.  Maybe intelligence or social understanding is lacking, through no fault of the individual.  Maybe, in some way, they are perceived as weaker or inferior to us.  Is it okay to exploit that for our entertainment or betterment.

On the surface it seems "virtually" innocent and harmless enough.  And, I think it is currently becoming very normal and socially acceptable.

However, sometimes when I see these posts through my daddy's eyes... my special needs daddy's eyes... I am disturbed.

I'm sure I've done it.  I'm sure I will still, at some point, do it.  I'm not holier-than-thou. 

But, I think social media could benefit from less socially acceptable cyberbullying.

I'm putting it out there in writing to hold myself accountable to attempt to do my part.

How about you?