to zero

Twenty.

Two. Zero.

A marriage milestone was passed this week.  It brought no fanfare; no celebration; no well-wishes; no joy.  Numbers, at this point, are mere legal technicalities.  The nice round number twenty being the anti-climatic climax.

Climax, because there is no anticipated twenty-first.

Twenty years ago, boxes were being unpacked and our stuff mingled.  Ironically, twenty years later, boxes are being packed, and our stuff divided.

Sad.

Sad, but necessary.

This has been coming for quite some time.  I resisted it for a while.  A long while.  But, I've since thrown in the proverbial towel.  It will soon be time to make it legal, and I concur.

But, how do you forget?

How do you forget the anniversary of the happiest day of your life.  Even the pain of divorce can't alter the reality of the happiness of my wedding day.  It may seem surreal now, since my marriage has lacked happiness for years, but I can't just pretend like it wasn't one of the all-time happiest days of my life.  From my current vantage point, I can't help but wish I'd never made those vows twenty years ago.  Except the kids... I would not wish them away.  But, you know what I'm saying... perhaps my life would have been much happier had I taken a different path twenty years ago.  Life does have re-starts, but there are no re-dos.

I don't think I will ever forget.  I've never been the stereotyped guy that forgets his anniversary.  I likely never will, though I might like to.  Because, even when the numbers cease to tally, the day will always be the anniversary of a wonderful day.  For a guy who tends toward nostalgia and sentimentality... that isn't easy.  What once was one of the happiest of days, will likely rank among the saddest of days.

Twenty.

Two. Zero.

Where to from here?

To zero.

about time

Tomorrow is my fourteenth wedding anniversary.  This year I'm giving my wife a new kitchen.

Before you give me too much credit, understand that she has been asked to put up with quite a lot to get that kitchen.  You see, my wife marked our seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth, and thirteenth anniversaries in a very uninspiring and substandard "temporary" kitchen, while I remodeled the real kitchen (along with over half the total square footage of our home). 

When I purchased this home, I had a dream of creating a nice home for my family, "with my bare hands".  It was a nice dream that soon turned into a nightmare, because I grossly underestimated the scope of the project and the time investment.  In my defense, I ended up doing a lot more than I originally intended, but I was still way off in my estimates.  My bride has endured much because of this decision, and I wish I could reverse the decision I made several years ago.  Too late, now!

Recently, my project required me to remove the heat duct from her "temporary" kitchen to re-route it into the new kitchen.  I did this in the spring, with the promise that, while it may be short some trim, she would be cooking in her new kitchen by "heating season", which I unofficially deemed November 1st.

Of course, she doubted my promise... after that many years, it felt as though she would never get a real kitchen!

But, although I am eight days overdue (well, I'm a lot more than eight days overdue, but eight days on my most recent promise), I took tomorrow off work for our anniversary, and I plan to spend most of the day cleaning my tools and the last of my dust out and "giving her the keys" to a new kitchen!  I think moving day will officially be Saturday for the major appliances, but she is starting to trickle some kitchen items over to the other side.  Sunday dinner will likely be the first official use of a space in our home that has been unoccupied since we moved here in 2004!

Yes, it's about time.  No, I shouldn't have asked that much of her.  I'm disappointed with myself for the hardship this project has caused my family.  But, it feels good to finally follow through with a dream.  I've learned a lot the hard way, and when I set the "heating season" goal, the kitchen was still an empty room with unpainted walls and no cabinets, but I had enough experience to be confident that it was realistic.  And, I'm a day away from delivering on that promise and getting Jen in a much deserved kitchen!

Sorry, Jen.  Thanks for enduring.  Enjoy the kitchen.  Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary!

Without any fanfare, our eleventh wedding anniversary passed yesterday. I am a very nostalgic kind of guy, so the fact that we didn't do anything to commemorate it bothers me, a little. We just neither one had the energy, nor did we feel like fighting the Saturday evening crowds for a meal out. We usually dust off our wedding video and watch it on our anniversary, but we didn't even do that. It's funny, when we were newlyweds, we dreamed that we might take a cruise to commemorate our tenth anniversary. Last year, to mark our tenth, we, instead, dropped our two boys at a friend's house and went to a Chinese buffet and Wal-Mart. At that dinner, we mostly talked about our kids... the two we already had and a little girl in China who, a few months earlier, had captured our hearts. A year later, all six of us hung out and watched a classic movie together. I, snuggling on the couch with that little girl from China, and Jen snuggling in the chair with a little boy that wasn't even on our radar screen a year ago. Yes, I should date my wife more, but last night, we skipped the fanfare to do one of our favorite things... don an old pair of sweats and spend a cool November evening cozied up with our four favorite kids.

For those who didn't know us then, we were married on a cold, wet, dreary November afternoon. We had a fairly simple and traditional ceremony, with light refreshments and cake following. Nothing really fancy, but that's the way we wanted it. My favorite thing to remember about that day was how breathtakingly beautiful my bride was when she walked down the aisle, on the arm of her father, in the most stunning wedding dress I had and have ever seen. Our biggest splurge was the photographer... we were only planning to do this once and we wanted nice pictures to remember it. We spent our honeymoon in a log cabin in the Smoky Mountains, above Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

In eleven years, we've had our share of highs and lows. I was recently unemployed at the time of our wedding, as I am today. We are both stubborn first-borns, so we've had our share of disputes and disagreements. I probably don't show her or tell her enough, but through the ups and downs, she is my best friend and I love her dearly.

Jen, thank you for being my faithful wife, my best friend, and a great mother to my four beautiful babies. I love you!

THEN

NOW