dad's memories

I recently added a new blog subject label* entitled "Dad's memories".  There are times in the lives of my kids, especially in their younger years, when they did or said something that made me smile, laugh, or that I find just plain cute.  Sadly, many, if not most, of these are forgotten.  Once in a while we may be reminded by stumbling across a certain photograph.  Or, perhaps it is something that is said or done frequently enough that it becomes a permanent family memory.  Mostly, though, they are just a moment in time, forgotten if not somehow preserved.  Some of them become facebook posts, but facebook, too, is somewhat forgetful of last week's statuses in favor of the latest, freshest newsfeed posts.

*If you pay any attention to the subject labels on my blog posts, you may notice that they are not just random labels. I try to keep the number of subject labels somewhat to a minimum, and I try to make the majority of the labels recurring themes in my blog. If you've never paid attention to them, notice that the subjects are all listed in the sidebar with the number of posts in each particular label. If you click a subject label of interest, the blog screen will display every post written with that subject label.

I'm pretty sure that blogs are better preservers of such moments... if the blogger takes the time to record them.  And, that is the thought behind "Dad's memories".  Some lengthy posts may be recorded under the "Dad's memories" label, but many have been, and will be, just short snapshot posts of a memory to preserve, scattered among other blog content... a photo with caption here, a few paragraphs there.  They are some of the moments in life that I never want to forget, but I will unless I am intentional in capturing them.

 

I'm finding many of these "snapshot moments" as I learn to parent a child with developmental disabilities. As parents, we often wish our kids would grow up, then mourn that they are growing up too fast.  Parenting a child with developmental disabilities tends to extend the childhood years and slow the pace of growing up. This can be both frustrating and beautiful. I try to focus on the beautiful as much as possible, and Benny brings joy to my life on a daily basis.  

If you have not walked a mile, or two, in the shoes of a parent of a child with developmental disabilities, you may not fully understand the myriad of emotions that are associated. Many of these "snapshot moments" with Benny are bittersweet. They are sweet because they make me (and others) smile or laugh. They make me fall in love with this boy all over again. They make me love his innocence, naivety and his sweet spirit. Yet they also make me grieve for him. I grieve because he does not always understand the world around him and that the world is full of wolves that would take advantage of and exploit his naivety. I know that he is likely destined to experience some hardship from others for the very same things that I love about him.  I want to protect him from all of that... but I won't always be able to.

I hesitate to publish some aspects of Benny publicly, for fear that the wrong people may read it, or that those who read may not understand, or that he will not appreciate it when he someday may read it for himself. Yet, when the hard days and the mean people come to try to shatter his innocence and take away his naivety... when the world tries to make him afraid to trust and engage his whole world, stranger or not, I want a record preserved of Benny's childhood and some of the small moments his Daddy celebrated him, and the moments he, sometimes unknowingly, brought joy into my life. I can't imagine my life without this kid and these daily moments of happiness. 

I love you Benny, and I thank you for giving me much inspiration for "Dad's memories"!