Two. Zero.
A marriage milestone was passed this week. It brought no fanfare; no celebration; no well-wishes; no joy. Numbers, at this point, are mere legal technicalities. The nice round number twenty being the anti-climatic climax.
Climax, because there is no anticipated twenty-first.
Twenty years ago, boxes were being unpacked and our stuff mingled. Ironically, twenty years later, boxes are being packed, and our stuff divided.
Sad.
Sad, but necessary.
This has been coming for quite some time. I resisted it for a while. A long while. But, I've since thrown in the proverbial towel. It will soon be time to make it legal, and I concur.
But, how do you forget?
How do you forget the anniversary of the happiest day of your life. Even the pain of divorce can't alter the reality of the happiness of my wedding day. It may seem surreal now, since my marriage has lacked happiness for years, but I can't just pretend like it wasn't one of the all-time happiest days of my life. From my current vantage point, I can't help but wish I'd never made those vows twenty years ago. Except the kids... I would not wish them away. But, you know what I'm saying... perhaps my life would have been much happier had I taken a different path twenty years ago. Life does have re-starts, but there are no re-dos.
I don't think I will ever forget. I've never been the stereotyped guy that forgets his anniversary. I likely never will, though I might like to. Because, even when the numbers cease to tally, the day will always be the anniversary of a wonderful day. For a guy who tends toward nostalgia and sentimentality... that isn't easy. What once was one of the happiest of days, will likely rank among the saddest of days.
Twenty.
Two. Zero.
Where to from here?
To zero.
4 comments:
I don't think you are supposed to forget. I think part of who you are today is about the path and journey that got you here - painful or not. Forgetting how you got to where you are opens you up to not having learned from the past. No doubt it is painful. Be sure to lean on your friends when you need to - they will be there for you - I'm certain of that.
Nice commentary on a sad situation. Maybe the old adage "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" applies here. And all four of your wonderful children are a part of you because of your life history. How great is that? We never know what's around the corner in our lives. Keep the faith and be open to the next stage in your life!
So sad. l'm hurting right along with you. Wish I could fix it as easy as a skinned knee. Just know that we are praying for you. God is still in control and He will direct your path.
Still sorry, man. Our 20th passed a month before the divorce was finalized.
They say it gets easier. After a day like today, I say "they might be liars"
At first, most days are ok. Some are really bad. After a while, most days are good. Some days super suck. I am now at the point where the good and awesome days outnumber the suck by a huge margin. You will get there, too.
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