The last of my four kids boarded the bus for kindergarten this morning. My schedule worked out so that I was there to see it. I have had a few tough moments throughout the day... I'm an emotional and sentimental Dad.
In a way, this is old hat. Ben is continuing his education at the county school, where he has attended preschool for the past three years. I was also there the very first day he rode the same bus, at age two. THAT was hard!
But this was hard in it's own way.
Benny was in a somber mood this morning. He looked tired, though we got him in bed early the night before. When he is tired and stressed, he often has trouble with eye focus, and I could tell he was struggling this morning. He seemed a mix of resigned and uncertain, with some excitement showing through.
We made our decision last spring to keep him in the county school. It is a great school, much like a large family, and we love his teacher this year. I have not second guessed that decision since we made it, and watching the bus pull away this morning, I still knew it was the right option for him.
Yet, at the same time, grief does not just come to a parent of a special needs child at the moment of diagnosis. It can sneak up many times throughout life, sometimes at unexpected moments. This morning, as Ben boarded the bus and pulled away from our home, I experienced a variety of emotions, and grief was among them.
Let me clarify, though. I was not grieving because of him, but for him.
As parents, we want life to go smoothly for our kids. We want them to excel and become independent and successful. I wish that for all my kids. However, seeing the "MRDD" in the school name on the side of the bus as it pulled away for this new phase of Ben's life, reminded me anew that Benny will have many struggles that my other children will not. Starting kindergarten is a major event in the life of our kids, and this morning Ben's bus set the course of his life in a different direction (literally and figuratively) than that of my other three kids. Although it was the right direction for him, I still had the urge to run ahead of the bus and smooth and fix things for him. I can only do so much, though. But, I can and will love and support him, cheer him on, celebrate him and rejoice in his accomplishments... and there have been many accomplishments to get him to this day.
You go, Benny! I love you, kid! Happy first day... you're my favorite Benny in the whole world!
But this was hard in it's own way.
Benny was in a somber mood this morning. He looked tired, though we got him in bed early the night before. When he is tired and stressed, he often has trouble with eye focus, and I could tell he was struggling this morning. He seemed a mix of resigned and uncertain, with some excitement showing through.
We made our decision last spring to keep him in the county school. It is a great school, much like a large family, and we love his teacher this year. I have not second guessed that decision since we made it, and watching the bus pull away this morning, I still knew it was the right option for him.
Yet, at the same time, grief does not just come to a parent of a special needs child at the moment of diagnosis. It can sneak up many times throughout life, sometimes at unexpected moments. This morning, as Ben boarded the bus and pulled away from our home, I experienced a variety of emotions, and grief was among them.
Let me clarify, though. I was not grieving because of him, but for him.
As parents, we want life to go smoothly for our kids. We want them to excel and become independent and successful. I wish that for all my kids. However, seeing the "MRDD" in the school name on the side of the bus as it pulled away for this new phase of Ben's life, reminded me anew that Benny will have many struggles that my other children will not. Starting kindergarten is a major event in the life of our kids, and this morning Ben's bus set the course of his life in a different direction (literally and figuratively) than that of my other three kids. Although it was the right direction for him, I still had the urge to run ahead of the bus and smooth and fix things for him. I can only do so much, though. But, I can and will love and support him, cheer him on, celebrate him and rejoice in his accomplishments... and there have been many accomplishments to get him to this day.
You go, Benny! I love you, kid! Happy first day... you're my favorite Benny in the whole world!
Home, after a good first day
1 comment:
Our Heavenly Father put Benny in your hands for a VERY GOOD reason. He put Benny in your hands because you are who you are! Benny is a very lucky little fella!
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